While I Wait
by breakingbeckett
Summary: Castle Ficathon Entry for Hiatus 2014 - This picks up where season 6 leaves off. Everyone believed that Castle is dead and months go by before any answers are given. In the mean time Kate decided to write a book about their relationship, and just as the book is released, Rick is found alive.
1. Chapter 1

**While I Wait**

**I don't own the characters, or their back-story. **

Chapter One.

It's been five days, five of the longest days of her life since she ran upon his fiery car on the side of the road on their wedding day. Their wedding day. It was suppose to be the happiest day of her life and when he told her he would be there in 20 minutes and he wasn't, and then 40 minutes passed, and then an hour later she got the call. She thought she had experienced the hardest day of her life, when she found out that her mother was never coming home, but that day, her wedding day, that was the hardest day of her life.

She had spent four years running from him, but he had never given up on her. He had chased, and fought for her, for a chance with her, and when she finally gave in to her own feelings, her life had changed forever. She had decided to accept his love, to accept everything about him, and he had proven himself time and time again.

So here she lay, drowning in one of his oversized shirts, lying in the middle of their bed, numb. She hadn't cried a single tear since she left the crash sight. She hadn't begun to grieve, because she didn't believe that this was happening to her again, she couldn't imagine why she had to deal with losing the most important person in her life… again. So she lay there, almost all day everyday, refusing food, refusing company. Occasionally she would go upstairs and crawl into bed with Alexis and just hold her while she wept, her screams would draw Kate in, she couldn't stand to hear the pain in her screams, and they were something she could relate to. She knew that he was gone, knew that he wasn't coming back, but it still wasn't real.

But today, she just lay still, staring at the black dress hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Today was his funeral, well, his memorial; they weren't burying a body, because his body was ashes already. She couldn't believe that the body that she had spent every night next to for the past two years was dust. The arms that held her tight, the smile that lit up her world. She could only remember him at his best, when she was wrapped around him beneath the sheets. They way he kissed her goodbye, the way he kissed her hello, the way his mouth felt against her neck as he whispered sweet nothings to her while they made love. She never wanted to forget that version of him, the version that she loved, the version that loved her.

She heard a knock as the door creeked open, a sliver of light making its way across the bed, "Kate, can I come in?" Alexis mumbled through the small crack in the door, "I need you to help me pick a dress."

She sat up on the bed, and pulled his shirt down to cover her body as she slid off the bed. "Yeah, come in."

The door opened more and Alexis slid in, taking in Kates appearance. "Kate, you haven't even started getting ready."

She slid her hands down the front of her shirt nervously, making sure that she was covered enough. "I know, I just, I don't really know how he would want me to wear my hair, he always said he loved it up, but I know how much he loved to run his fingers through it when it was down. I just…" She took a deep breath, exhaling and smiling at the redhead standing before her.

She smiled back. "Kate, he loved you, not your hair. He would want you to wear it so that you're happy and comfortable."

"Alexis, I'm not happy, I'm never going to be happy."

"You know that's not what he would want, right?"

"I know, but he is what made me happy, before him I was sad and alone, and now that he's gone, I'm sad, and alone."

"You aren't alone." Alexis reached her hand out to grab Kate's hand, "You have me, and gram, and your dad, and Lanie, and the boys."

"I know, and I love you all, but he… he was my person." She choked back a breath, placing her hands on her hips. She could feel her hipbones pressing through her skin. She had always been thin, but this was getting a bit out of control. She hadn't eaten but a few bites in the past few days and it was already very apparent.

"He was our person." Alexis smiled, "and we were his." She paused looking into Kates sad eyes.

"We were his, weren't we?" Kate laughed, and pulled Alexis into a hug.

"Now get dressed, and I think you should wear your hair up." She winked at her as she crossed the room to pull Kates dress down from the hanger on the door.

Kate nodded, "Then I'll wear it up, and Lex," Kate paused, looking her up and down, "You look beautiful in that dress."

"Yeah? You think he'd like it?"

Kate nodded, and took the dress from Alexis hands, "I'm just gonna go get changed and ready and then we can go."

Xx

The service had lasted longer than expected; turns out a lot of people had amazing stories to tell about him. There was laughter and tears from different people that knew him, but Alexis and Kate sat side by side, hands intertwined, laughing at everyone's stories of him. Afterwards Kate fled to the town car that was waiting out front for them, pulling her head down into her lap and letting it all go for the first time. The tears fell so hard that she couldn't see straight and her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest. Martha opened the door to the car and slid in next to her, wrapping her arms around her body and holding her tight.

"Let it all out Katherine, let it all out." She said as she rubbed her back softly.

"I cant live without him Martha, I cant do it. I have to leave the loft, I have to leave the city."

"Kate, you don't have to run from this. We are here, we are still your family."

"I know, and I love you all dearly, but Martha, I can't see his things every day, I can't imagine waking up in our bed by myself every morning. He made love to me in that bed the night before we were suppose to get married, and I am never going to be able to forget that. We were going to start our lives together, start a family, and now he's gone, and I don't know what to do with my life. I don't want to go back to work just to be reminded of the endless hours we spent in that precinct. That's where we fell in love, it's where we became us. I just…. Cant."

"You can, and you will. If you think for one second that I am going to allow you to run from us, from Alexis, then you're absolutely crazy. You are all she has left of her dad, the only person that he loved as much as he loved her. She needs you, and you need her."

Her sobs were so hard that she could barely breath, and her body was shaking so hard that it was hard for Martha to keep a good hold on her.

"I need to go home Martha, take me home."

"I'll send the car to the loft and he can come back and retrieve Alexis and I." She pressed a kiss to the top of Kates head and released her hold on her, opening the door and climbing out of the car.

Xx

When Alexis walked into their bedroom, Kate was still sobbing into his pillow, her body worn completely, and she was still wearing her dress. She climbed into the bed behind Kate and wrapped her arm over her body, pulling her in close and holding her tight.

"Lex, you don't have to console me, you're the one that needs someone."

She ran her hands over Kates hair, pulling it back out of her face. "Kate, you have held me all week and you were strong for me, let me be strong for you."

"I wasn't strong, I was numb, I was avoiding the truth, I was avoiding reality."

"Kate, he's gone, he isn't coming back, we are both going to have to deal with that now. Its real, and all we have left of him is each other."

"Alexis, I can't be what you need, I cant be what he was to you."

"I'm not asking you to be, I'm asking you to just be here, to just heal with me. You're the only one who understands what I'm going through, and I need you to deal with this…with me."

"Alexis…"

"No Kate, it's not a choice, you're staying here and you and I are going to be a family, we are going to be what he wanted us to be, for him. He would want us to stick together, to be there for one another."

Kate's cries softened at Alexis words, she was right, he would want her to be there for Alexis, and he would want her to accept Alexis' help and love. Kate turned over to face Alexis, sweeping the hair from her face and holding her cheek.

"Just you and I, form now on?"

"Yeah, just you and I."

**I don't want to write a synopsis for this story and I don't want to hint towards any of my plans for this story, because the main plot hasn't really started yet. If you like it and want me to continue, leave me a review and let me know. **

**Also, I would love for someone to make me cover art. I'm not good at that kind of thing. Just message me on here or on tumblr, it's breakingbeckett on there as well.**


	2. Chapter 2

While I Wait

**I said before I really don't want to give you any inkling of where this story is going to go but I will tell you that Castle is not dead.**

Chapter Two.

It had been three weeks since the memorial service and things had gotten easier, the crying had died down, and the nervous breakdowns were at a minimum. Kate and Alexis had promised each other that they would go to therapy, that they would seek help for their heartbreak, and they had been.

Kate was still seeing Dr. Burke twice a week, which wasn't near enough in her opinion. On the days that she got to see him, those were good days, because he made her feel less crazy, more normal. She still hadn't returned to work, and she didn't know if she ever wanted too. The truth was, she didn't have to, Rick had left plenty of money for them, and she had already been added to his will, so she was taken care of, they all were.

She lay on her stomach; head perched up on her hands staring out the window in Dr. Burkes office.

He had been writing on his note pad for a few minutes, just taking notes about her progress. "Kate, have you been doing the journals?"

She shook her head, and took her bottom lip in between her teeth, biting on it nervously. "No, I don't want to write about it. I tried…. but it hurts to much to write about him. It starts out, me writing about how much I miss him and turns into memories that we shared and I can't deal with them, they turn into nervous breakdowns, and Alexis cant see me like this anymore. She has enough to deal with on her own, she can't take care of me too."

He sat forward in his chair, making an effort to focus on her. "It's supposed to hurt Kate, it's suppose to be unbearable. He was the love of your life, and I know that for certain because I have been right here in this chair for the last three years listening to you talk about him."

"I know, and I'm so grateful for what you've done for me, but I cant do it Burke."

"Look, I know it's hard, and I know that you don't want to do it, but I think that if you just try, just write a little everyday, it will help."

"You think?" She looked up, questioning his advice. She had tried, but it made things harder.

"I know so."

"Then I'll keep trying, I'll keep writing for him."

"It's not for him Kate. He is gone….This assignment is for you, to help you cope, and to heal."

"I'll never be the same." She sighed, lifting her body to a sitting position. 

"You might not be, but maybe that's the point in all of this."

"So you're saying there was a reason he died, a purpose?"

"No, I'm saying that just because you were hit with a tragedy doesn't mean you have to lay there and take it. Fight back. For yourself, for Alexis, for everyone that loved him and misses him."

"Yeah, of course. I can try, I can at least try." She agreed.

"Yeah you can at least try. Look Kate, our time is up.."

"Wait, what, already?" She started to panic. She felt like she had just got here. It couldn't be time to go already.

"I'll see you on Monday Kate, okay?"

She nodded and stood from the couch, "I guess, I mean I think I need more than twice a week Burke."

"Kate, I don't have room for more than twice a week. Two times a week is already more than anyone else I see. "

"I know, I just need this."

"Its gonna be okay, and I'll see you Monday." He stood up, walking towards the door to open it for her. She took that as her cue and grabber her purse from the ground before exiting as fast as possible so that no one in the waiting room would see her tear stained face as she walked out.

Xx

When Kate got home she went straight to his office, opening his laptop and opening a word document. She stared at the blank page for a few minutes before she started typing.

_Chapter One._

She titled the page and then started to write. At first she wanted to just write how they met and that turned into writing about him sticking his nose into her mothers case and before she knew it she had written 30 pages full of their story. It was easy to write their story; it was embedded in her mind. This was her version though, and unlike his version this would contain the truth, the real story. She didn't need to make up characters to tell her version, she wanted everyone to know who they were and what their love story was all about.

She wrote all weekend, in fact she barely slept and by the time she made it into Burkes office on Monday afternoon she had finished almost half of their story, her version of it anyway.

She walked into his office and dropped the stack of papers on his desk.

His eyes shot up to hers and he immediately noticed that she seemed more relaxed "Kate what is this?"

"You told me to write, so I wrote."

"You wrote this much?" he asked, impressed by the pile of papers sitting in front of him.

She walked over to the couch and sat down. "Yeah, once I started I couldn't really stop, our story is one hell of a story and there really isn't a way for me to leave things out without ruining it. It's all there. Well the first half of it anyway. I'm sure I'll have the rest finished by our next appointment. Do you want to read it?"

"Your story?"

"Our love story, believe me it's worth a read."

"You're writing yours and Ricks love story?"

"Yes, I mean he got to. Well he used Nikki Heat as a cover but it was our love story, just not all of it, my versions better."

"I'm so happy it's helping, you should definitely continue to write." He encouraged, picking the papers up from the desk and flipping through them.

"I will, I think I'm going to take it to Gina, his publisher when I'm done. I mean I think our story deserves to be told. Everyone deserves to know what kind of person he was."

"Are you sure you're willing to share that with the world."

"Look, Burke, he was my best friend, the love of my life. He spent his days following me around so that he could write me a beautiful love story, but in reality he was creating one with me. Every single day, he brought me a cup of coffee and had a smile on his face. He is the reason I am who I am today. He gave me hope, showed me that I could be happy, that I could be loved, and he deserves all the praise. He was the most amazing man I've ever known, and I want the world to know how much he meant to me."

"Well that sounds great. I hope that you finish it, and I hope that it becomes something great."

"Thank you." She smiled.

"Wow, and I get a smile out of you."

"I'm happy." She paused, looking down out of guilt. "Well, not happy, but better, I can feel him around me, I can feel him telling me that everything is going to be okay, that I am going to be okay."

"I'm happy that you are finding a way to cope, that you found something that helps."

"Don't get me wrong Burke, it still hurts like hell, and I cried my way through most of this writing, but I know that he is gone, and I know that I wont get to see him again until it's my time, but I'm not ready to give up yet, I'm not ready to quit my life."

"Well, I can't wait to receive the other half of this story, if you don't mind, I want to keep this part to read, that okay?"

"Yeah of course, make some notes for me too if you don't mind. I know that's not your job but I'd love the feedback from someone I trust."

Kate stood up and walked over to where Burke was standing at the edge of his desk. She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug, "Thank you for all of your help."

He was startled at first, but he could feel the sincerity in her words, and knowing that he was helping was enough to make him wrap his arms around her and hug her back. "Of course Kate, that's my job."

Xx

Kate stopped by a coffee shop on her way back to the loft, the same one she and Castle frequented together. When the barista started to repeat Kates order to he she held up her hand, "just mine today." She told her, giving her a smile and a nod.

It had been hard, living without him, but the hardest parts were that everyone associated them as a pair. There wasn't anywhere she could go that people wouldn't ask about him, and for those that knew who he was, they didn't speak, in fact they avoided contact. She felt more alone now then she ever had, so instead of going to the library or a bookstore she decided that his office would be her new home. She would spend all her time focusing on writing their story, so that the world would be able to fall in love with him the way she had.

Over the next two weeks Kate had almost fully completed their story, she had made it to the end, but she couldn't figure out how to end it, how to tell the part about his death, so she had stopped writing. She was giving herself time to think about if she really wanted people to understand her heartbreak or if she wanted to avoid that part. She was afraid it would take away from all of the good memories, all of the crazy ones. She also didn't know if she could handle it, handle writing about what she felt when she saw his car in a ditch, taken over by fire.

The stress of his death had been eating away at her, and she hadn't been taking care of herself at all. She had lost weight, and on her already thin body she didn't have much she could allow herself to lose. There were times when Martha would come over and basically force-feed her. Make her eat before she would leave her alone, and Kate appreciated that she cared so much, but she didn't have an appetite.

Dr. Burke had noticed that she was looking frail, and sick, and he knew that although she seemed to be coping better because of the writing, she still wasn't taking care of herself. During some of their sessions he could tell that she was weak, that her body was going down hill. So he recommended that she see a medical doctor, someone that could help her with her health and taking care of herself in a time like this. Of course she didn't want to go but he insisted telling her that if she didn't that he would prefer if she found another psychiatrist to talk to, and that is something that she was totally against. She loved her time with Burke, it was the only time that she felt safe enough to talk, to be herself. Everywhere else, she felt like she had to be strong, and in his office, those four walls provided comfort.

So she went to the doctor, and the doctors concern for her was more than Burke had led on. Just by looking at Kate the doctor wanted to admit her into the hospital.

"Miss Beckett, I can tell that you are going through a lot but just by looking at you I can also tell that you're making yourself sick. You're much thinner than you've ever been according to your charts, and although you're suffering through a tragedy, you still have to take care of yourself."

"I try, it's just hard for me to eat. I don't have an appetite, and I feel nauseous all the time. If I do eat, I throw it up. Not on purpose of course, I just can't hold anything down. I have migraines almost every day, and my nights are spent tossing and turning. The stress is just overwhelming me. I don't really know how to carry on with my life, without him."

"I cant even pretend to understand what you're feeling but I do know that we have to figure out a way to get you healthy again. I'm going to run a few blood test to see what we should work on first, and then I'll see you in a few days and we will go over a plan of action to help you."

"Okay, can I still see Burke on Tuesday? He told me I couldn't come back until I saw you and I've been dying, not being able to talk to him."

"Yes, I'll email Carter and tell him that you made your effort, but Kate, please try and get some sleep, drink as much water as you can, and start with saltines, just try to keep them down until we can meet again."

Kate nodded as the doctor walked out of the room.

She put her clothes back on and left the office to head home. She stopped by the drug store and bought a box of crackers.

That night she lay in their bed, nibbling on her saltines while staring at the laptop screen saver that Rick had, it was like he was sending her a message. Telling her to move on, to do something for herself.

_You Should Be Writing._

**So everyone excited about where this is going? Feedback would be great! **


	3. Chapter 3

While I Wait

Chapter Three.

When Kate walked in to Burkes office on Tuesday afternoon, she noticed that her doctor was sitting in the place on the couch that she normally sat. Both of their eyes shot to her as she entered the room.

"Burke, I told you I would try to eat, that I would try to take better care of myself, and I have been. I've been making myself eat a lot of fruit and crackers. I know it's not much, but it's all I can stomach right now." She said, crossing the room towards the couch, laying her purse down on the floor and taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch as Dr. Maxwell.

He smiled and nodded, "Good Kate, I'm glad you're trying but that's actually not what this is about." He was nervous, she could see it all over his face, and that made her nervous.

"Dr. Maxwell and I," He began, looking towards the other woman for what seemed to me encouragement. "We decided that it was probably best that we tackle this conversation together. She uhh…. ran your blood work and the results she got back are actually why we are here."

She took a deep breath, her eyes racing back and forth between the two doctors. This couldn't be good, she could tell by the looks on their faces that this couldn't be good news. "What do you mean? Am I sick? Is something wrong with me?"

"Kate," Dr. Maxwell reached over, taking Kate's hand in hers, and that's when Kate could see it. The fear, she wasn't upset about something being wrong with Kate, but she was afraid, afraid of what Kate's reaction would be to the news, and that could only mean one thing. "I don't really know how to say this other than to just come out with it, but you're pregnant."

Her heart dropped to her stomach, and her breathing quickened as she closed her eyes and ripped her hand away from the doctor, pressing her hands over her ears as she tried to think. She knew she had missed her period, but she thought it was the stress. Maybe it was a mistake, I mean she and Castle had decided to stop using birth control literally two days before the wedding, there was no way that she had gotten pregnant that fast right?

"Kate." Dr. Burke tried to get her attention, but she couldn't focus on him. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head back and forth, unable to speak. She couldn't be, this had to be a dream. "Is this a joke? I have to go, I need to go home."

Dr. Maxwell stood along with her grabbing her hand, stilling her and pulling her back to the couch. "Kate we should really talk before you leave."

"I don't know what to talk about, this feels like a dream, a very fucked up dream." She jerked her hand away again, trying to create distance between herself and the doctor. "I mean, I lose my mom when I'm nineteen and that basically defines my life until I meet Rick, who comes in and turns everything upside down and I fall in love with him, completely in love with him, and on our wedding day he dies… in a freak accident, a fucking car crash on the way to our wedding. Now tell me that's not bad luck, and then oh 6 weeks later, I'm pregnant. SHOCKING! I must have been a really fucked up person in my past life." She was up again, pacing back and forth, her hands tightly gripping her own waist to keep herself upright.

"So you don't want the baby?' Dr. Maxwell asked, and Kate's head shot over to her, a look of disgust painted across it. She stopped pacing and just stared at the doctor.

"Of course I want this baby, are you insane. I got off birth control two days before our wedding Dr. Maxwell, we wanted this baby, he wanted this baby."

"So you're going to keep it." She reiterated.

"YES!" She yelled towards her. "I'm going to keep it. This is all I have left of him. You know, when we talked about it, he and I, I told him that I wanted to wait a while, that I wanted us to settle into our marriage, and he didn't agree with me." She was pacing again, back and forth. Busying herself so that she didn't break down, her mind was racing faster than her feet, and she couldn't slow it down either. "He told me that he wasn't getting any younger." She took a deep breath, "He told me that it didn't have to be now, but that he thought we should start trying just in case we had trouble getting pregnant." She came to a stop by the window, taking another deep breath and looking out at the city. "So I told him that if it was important to him, then it was important to me, and I stopped taking my birth control that day, and we only had sex one more time after that." She paused, looking back at Burke, "and that was the night before our wedding, so that means that this baby, was created the day before he died. There's no way in the world that I would let this go." The tears were just beginning to form in her eyes, one rolling down her cheek, but she swept it away fast. "In fact, I think I want to admit myself into the hospital until I can get my weight under control. I mean, you don't think that there is already any permanent damage done, right?" She asked, focusing her attention back on Dr. Maxwell.

"Honestly Kate I don't know yet, we are going to have to do a check up." The doctor said, getting up from the couch and making her way over to the window next to Kate. She formed her hand over Kates shoulder, giving her a reassuring squeeze.

"Okay, when? When should I come in?"

"Honestly today would probably be best."

"Fine, I'm there, but I need to at least go home and get some of my things. I don't want to freak Alexis out so I need to tell her that I'll be gone for a few days. How long exactly will I be gone?" Kate asked, breaking away from the doctors touch. She wasn't trying to be rude, but she didn't want anyone to touch her right now. Her anxiety was already through the roof and someone trying to calm her down right now would only make things worse.

"Kate, admitting you into the hospital might not be necessary." The doctor spun around, watching as Kate grabbed her purse from the floor next to the couch. "We can go to my office now, and I can do a check up and we can check on the baby at that time. I'll be able to tell you what the next step will be after your check up, but there is definitely no need to freak out yet." She assured her.

"I don't think you get it." Kate rolled her eyes at her. "This baby is all I have left of him, all I have left of our life together." She ran her hand across her stomach instinctively. "I'm freaking out because if something happens to our baby because I've been so careless about my health, I'll never forgive myself." She dropped her head, sweeping the tears away again. She hated crying in front of people, she hated that they pitied her.

"Kate, if you're only six weeks. Your baby has a great chance at being absolutely perfect."

Kate nodded and smiled, as the tears continued to fall from her eyes, "I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that this pregnancy takes, that I don't lose this baby."

Xx

"The baby seems fine, Kate." The doctor said as she walked back into the exam room. Taking a seat on the stool next to the exam table. "I mean as far as i'm concerned I think you'll be fine, but if you take care of your body you should have no problem carrying this baby to term."

"So what do I need to do?" Kate asked, sitting up on the exam table.

"Well you need to start taking pre-natal vitamins immediately, and something has to be done about your diet." The doctor started to flip through a stack of papers she had brought into the room with her when she came back, "These are a list of helpful tips as far as things that will be easy to eat and keep down. Things that are easy on your stomach but still carry nutritional value."

"I can eat, I can force myself to eat if I have to." Kate assured her, her feet frantically swinging back and forth off the end of the exam table.

"I know that you're under a lot of stress Kate, and I know that this is not going to help the situation." The doctor reached out, stilling Kates legs, "But you're going to be fine."

"Knowing that I have a piece of him inside me, it makes things easier. All he wanted was to start a family with me, and it's going to happen, he just isn't going to be here for it, but my baby, he or she is going to know all about their father, and what an amazing man he was."

"I just don't want this to drive you insane. Knowing that he wont be there for the birth or to help raise the baby."

"He wont be, but I'm not alone. His daughter and mother live with me, and I have my father and a crew of friends that will be right by my side through this."

"Good. I advise that you take full advantage of those people during this time. Pregnancy is not easy on an emotional level, and after all you've been through I think it's best that you keep them close by and make sure you continue to see Dr. Burke."

"I don't think I'll be stopping that for a while anyway." She laughed, rolling her eyes as she turned her head away from the doctor to wipe the tears off her cheeks.

"Good, that's good to hear, and Kate you don't have to act so strong, it's okay to be sad."

"I know, I just don't want to put my problems on anyone else. This is something I have to deal with, not you, or anyone else around me."

"Kate, I know you don't want sympathy, but honey, this is a time when it's okay to accept it."

"I know, I know." Kate nodded, smiling and looking back up at the doctor. Trying to reiterate that she was going to be okay, even though she wasn't sure she would be.

"Well Kate, I don't usually see my patients as often during the first trimester, but I'd like to see you back in two weeks just to make sure that everything is still okay."

Kate stood up from the exam table and grabbed her clothing from the chair next to it. She just wanted to get out of here as fast as possible. "Sounds good, I'll be here."

Xx

When Kate entered the loft that evening Alexis jumped up from the couch and walked towards her.

"Kate where have you been? I've been worried sick, you didn't answer my calls or text all day."

Kate grabbed the younger girls hand, forcing a smile and walking her back towards the couch. "Alexis I need you to sit down,"

The girl sat immediately, she was anxious now, she just wanted to know what was wrong. "Is something wrong, are you okay?"

"I went to see Dr. Burke this afternoon."

"Yeah I know, but that's normal Kate, you see him twice a week." She shook her head, a million possibilities running through her head.

"I know, slow down kid, let me get my story out." Kate laughed, which eased Alexis mind a little bit.

"Sorry." She apologized, "I was just worried."

Kate nodded and continued. "When I got there, my other doctor was there, Dr. Maxwell. Burke made me go get a check up last week because he thought I was getting too thin."

Alexis looked her up and down. "Well, you are, you barely eat."

"I know, and I went to the check up, so when I go to Burkes office, they were both waiting on me, and they told me that…" Kate paused, closing her eyes and catching her breath, "Alexis, I'm pregnant." Kate mumbled.

She instinctively wrapped her arms around Kate, hugging her tight, "You are?" she whispered, the emotion clear in her voice as she choked on the words.

Kate nodded into her shoulder, a smile making its way across her face. She didn't know how Alexis would react, but she hadn't expected this. She thought she might be upset or mad but not happy, she didn't imagine happy.

"So you're happy?" Kate asked, backing away from Alexis.

"Are you kidding me? Are you not happy?"

"Honestly I didn't know what to feel at first, but now that I know you're happy, it makes me much happier. I really wanted this baby with your father, of course we didn't know it would be happening so soon, and I can only imagine what the look on his face would be right now if it was him I was telling."

"Kate he would be ecstatic." Alexis smiled, she was in such shock, this was the last thing she had expected to hear.

"I know, and that makes me so much happier. The fact that I know he wanted this. We had discussed it a few days before the wedding and I had just gone off my birth control."

"Ewww, I don't need details, he's still my dad." She cringed, shrugging her shoulders as if she was trying to block all imagery of her dad and Kate doing that.

Kate laughed, grabbing Alexis' hand and squeezing it. "I know, I'll spare you the intimate details, but just knowing that I have this piece of him, this piece of us, it makes things easier. You'd think it would make it harder, the fact that I will have to do it without him, but this baby is exactly what I needed. It's like it was a gift from him."

'It was, and Kate you know that I will always be here for you and this baby. We are still a family, and we are going to do this together, you and I."

"Yeah, you and I." Kate replied.

**Thanks to those who have been reviewing, you guys are awesome.**

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	4. Chapter 4

While I Wait

Chapter Four.

It had been two weeks since she found out she was pregnant, and 8 weeks since his death. Kate had been writing non-stop, proof reading, and re-writing. She still hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy except Alexis. They had decided to wait until after her first trimester to tell anyone, just in case something did happen with the baby. They didn't want to spread the excitement just to have to rip it away from everyone.

The first draft of the book was almost finished, and she had contacted Gina telling her about it a few weeks ago. She was surprised at how excited Gina sounded about the book. She really seemed to think it was a great idea, probably for her own benefit but it still made it easier for Kate to write. She had spent many nights, up late, hammering away at the keys of his laptop. She had never been a writer, never even attempted to be, but it was coming so easily. Telling their story was the easiest thing she had ever done. Maybe it was because she was so passionate about it, so passionate about making it the best that it could be.

She had set up a meeting with Gina to hand over the manuscript for her to read, and Kate was nervous. Nervous that she wouldn't like it, nervous that she would want to change it, which Kate knew she wouldn't be able to do.

So there she sat in the waiting room in black pawn, the walls covered in Nikki Heat cover art. Constant reminders of the man she loved everywhere she went, but this, this was different, harder. This was his life, what everyone knew him as, everyone except those close to him. To her, to his family, he was so much more.

"Miss Beckett, Gina is ready for you." The receptionist called out to her, interrupting her memories of Castle.

"Of course." Kate said, standing up and walking towards her office.

As she walked through the door she noticed even more Richard Castle memorabilia, books, posters, her office was covered in memories of him.

"Have a seat Kate." She said, standing from her seat to make her way around to Kate.

Kates eyes shot over to Gina, "Are you sure? I mean we don't have to talk, I can just give it to you."

"Kate we are going to have to talk at some point. I know I might have been his ex-wife at one time but in the end I was just his publisher, nothing more."

"I know." Kate said defensively., taking a seat in front of Ginas desk. The chairs were lush and beautiful. Her office was amazing, decorated with expensive furniture. 

"I didn't mean anything by it Kate. We were all aware of how in love he was, believe me. I mean have you read any of the Nikki Heat books?"

Kate laughed nervously, "Of course I have. He wasn't very subtle was he?"

"Yeah subtlety wasn't even in his vocabulary." She laughed, taking a seat in the chair next to Kate instead of her chair on the opposite side of the desk.

"So is it good?" Gina asked, getting down to business. She crossed her legs and laid her hands over her lap.

"Yeah, I think it is. I mean it's real, and it's the most honest I've ever been."

"Well then, I can't wait to read it. If you give me the weekend I can have it done by Monday."

"Oh that's quick, I expected it to be longer than that."

"I'm a speed reader. I also just want to let you know that I'm going to make notes as I go along. They will mostly just be suggestions, but with this type of writing, it will be hard to change much, seeing how it's a true story. Most notes will probably just be asking for details, or for more background."

"Oh believe me, there is plenty of background."

"Good." She nodded, "Look Kate, I know that you must be having a really hard time. I mean hell there are nights that I toss and turn thinking about him, and missing him and I wasn't even in love with him anymore. I just want you to know that I think this is brave, I think that you are tremendously brave."

"Ehhh I wouldn't say that I'm brave, this actually scares me to death, but I think that this is what he would want. He would be excited about it. When you read it, I just want you to be honest."

"Yeah, of course, I'll call you Monday afternoon and we can meet up and discuss it."

"Sounds perfect." Kate stood to walk out, turning around as she placed her hand on the knob. "Oh and Gina, if you don't mind, after you read it I would like for you to keep it between you and I for a little while longer.. the ending."

"Okay, I guess I can do that, any specific reason?"

"I can't tell you, it's a spoiler."

Gina laughed and nodded, "Well, my lips are sealed until we have a contract signed."

"A contract?" Kate asked, shocked.

"I mean if I like it, then we will probably start negotiations for a book deal."

"Right." Kate nodded, opening the door and walking out.

The whole thing seemed absurd to her. She wasn't a writer and somehow she found herself in the works of being a published author. Rick Castle was probably laughing at her. Kate Beckett, a published author. She wanted this, she wanted the world to read this. As private as she had been about them and their relationship, she found it odd that she was so willing to share this with everyone, share him now.

Maybe it had been the funeral, seeing how loved he was, how many people cared about him. Or maybe it was just because of how much she loved him. Whatever it was, she was excited, for the book, for the baby. She couldn't wait to share the news of the baby with her family and friends. She just had to make it another month, one more month with this sweet baby tucked inside of her. Her health had been amazing since finding out about the baby. It had made it easier for her to take care of herself. She had a reason to take care of herself, and she wasn't about to let her depression over losing him, cost her their baby.

She had basically been secluding herself from her family and friends since the funeral, and especially since finding out she was pregnant. She didn't want a slip up to occur but when Lanie and Espo showed up at the loft that night with a pizza and beer she couldn't turn them away. So she let them in and set the table for them to sit and eat with her.

Lanie had been eyeing her throughout the meal, and when Kate would catch her, Lanie would just smile and look away. Espo had left the table to go to the bathroom when Kate caught her staring again. 

"Lanie, stop looking at me like that, I'm fine." Kate took another bite of her pizza.

"At least you're eating, you look better."

"Gee, thanks." She rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious. I didn't imagine that you would look this good. I figured you had been ignoring me for a reason, but it looks like you're doing okay."

Kate took a drink of water and sat her glass back on the table, wiping her mouth with her napkin and laying it over her plate.

"I know I've probably been worrying you all but I've just been busy."

Lanie rolled her eyes, "Oh yeah, busy with what? You haven't been working, and you aren't spending time with us."

"So…" Kate stood up grabbing both of their plates and heading towards the kitchen, "I've been writing actually."

Lanie stood to follow her, grabbing their plates from Kate and dropping them into the sink and rinsing them off. "Writing eh?"

"Lanie you don't have to do that, I can do the dishes."

"I know you can, just helping out girl. So this writing situation, What are you writing?"

"A book actually, about Rick and I."

"A book? Are you doing it for yourself or are you hoping to do something with it?"

Kate stood there, chewing on her bottom lip, nervous to tell her too much.

"I'll tell you but…"

"Kate, something's up, or you're up to something. I can see it allover you, I noticed during dinner." She pointed her finger at Kate, looking for a tell, something to let her know that Kate was hiding something.

"Yeah, I noticed that too." Espo said as he came out of the bathroom. "She's being sneaky about something."

"Am not." Kate shot back, "Why are you all ganging up on me, I've been nothing but nice to the two of you. I welcomed you into my home when you showed up uninvited." She teased, turning and walking away from them so that she could hide her smile.

"I just know you Kate, we both do. You're hiding something and I need to know what it is right now."

"I told you I'm writing a book, and yes I plan on getting it published. Actually Gina has the first draft of my manuscript right now."

"What? Already? Have you been speed writing?" Lanie asked. Espo and herself hot on Kates tail as they followed her to the living room. Everyone taking a seat, the two of them staring a hole through her.

"It started out as an assignment from Burke, he wanted me to journal, but it was so hard to just talk about how much I missed him, so instead I started writing our story, from the beginning. I wrote so much the first three days that my fingers were raw from the keyboard. I just couldn't stop, and now I've basically finished it and Gina is going over it."

"Wow, I don't mean to intrude but how did you end it?" Lanie asked, nervous that Kate might not answer, or might not feel comfortable.

Kate took a deep breath and looked down at her hands that were anxiously wrapping around each other, "I cant really say."

"Can't say? I mean did you talk about the accident? Or did you end it before that."

"No, I talked about the accident."

"And that was okay? You're okay with sharing those details." Lanie asked, curious as to how the most private person she had ever known had suddenly been so willing to share something so personal.

"Look, you all." Kate stood up, walking behind the chair and then turning to look back at them. "I am just going through a lot right now and it will all make more sense if you just give me time. I'm just not ready to talk to you about everything that's been going on."

Lanie stood up and walked over to Kate, grabbing her hands to gain her attention, "I understand, but if something is going on and you need to talk to someone about it, then you know I'm here right?"

Kate nodded, a tear sneaking out of her eye and running down her cheek. "I know and I love you all so much but you all just don't understand what I'm going through."

"Maybe that's because you keep us at arms length."

She turned her head and dried her face on her shoulder.

"Okay, I mean, if you don't want to talk I can't make you. Just want you to know that I'm here."

"Me too chica."

"Okay Javi, I think we should go, give her some time alone." Lanie said as she gave Kate a hug and went to the kitchen to grab her purse.

Javi stood up and hugged her as well before making his way to the door.

"Thank you all for coming over, and I promise that things will get easier, and I'll be more open. Just right now, I'm dealing with so much and I need time to digest it myself."

"We understand girl, no apology necessary, but I will be expecting you to respond to my text messages."

Kate laughed and opened the door for them, "I will, promise."

As the door closed behind them, Lanie grabbed Javi's hand and pulled him closer, leaning up to whisper in his ear. "Javi, I think she's pregnant."

"There's no way, why do you think that? I mean she would tell us right?"

"I can just tell, and would she? I mean this is Kate we're talking about."

"You're right, but if she isn't telling us, there is probably a reason, and you shouldn't push her." It was a warning, and she knew he was right. If Kate was pregnant, she would tell them in her own time.

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	5. Chapter 5

While I Wait

Chapter Five.

On Monday morning Kate received a text from Gina asking her to meet for lunch. Kate thought it was odd that she wouldn't just want to meet her at her office, but lunch sounded like a great idea. She hadn't been out of the house much lately and it gave her a reason to do something with herself.

When Kate walked in to the bistro she saw Gina sitting at a table for two in the back corner. She made her way over, pulling her sunglasses from her face and shoving them in her purse as she sat down across from her.

The look on Gina's face was telling, she knew that she had made it through the manuscript and she could see the pity on her face.

"Don't look at me like that Gina."

"So it's true?" She asked, peering over glass as she took a drink.

"Well, why else would I write it. Look, I really don't want anyone to know quite yet, I am just over two months along and I just want to make it out of the first trimester before anyone finds out."

She nodded, "So I'm the only one who knows?"

"Well Alexis knows as well, but other than that, yeah… just you."

"I don't want to scare you Kate, but you know that the press is going to eat this up right?"

"Oh I know, I just…"

As soon as the waitress made her way to them Kate stopped talking. The last thing she needed was for her secret to be released to the press by some waitress that overheard them.

"Sorry to interrupt, can I get you something to drink? And are you ready to order?"

Kate smiled at the young girl, and pulled her menu open and glanced over it. "I'll just take a water, and whatever the soup of the day is."

"Okay, is that all?"

She shut the menu and handed to the waitress. "Yes, thank you"

As soon as the waitress was gone again Kate made sure to look around to make sure no one else was eavesdropping. She lowered her voice, not quite to a whisper, but low enough that no one around them could hear.

"Look I know that the press is going to have a heyday and that's why I want to keep it between us for now, at least until I'm out of my first trimester and maybe even until I cant hide it anymore."

"Well I loved the book Kate, and I think that it has great potential, I want to take it to print immediately, I think that the sooner we get it out the better. I mean his fans are going to eat this up, as well as the rest of America, and when they find out you're pregnant, you might be on the cover of every magazine. I just want you to be prepared for what you'll be getting yourself in to."

Kate took a deep breath and folded her arms over each other on the table, "You think it's going to be that popular."

"Are you kidding me Kate? Your fiancé had a huge following and was a pretty big public figure, the story on its own would be a hit, and now you have this to add to it."

"Wow… I guess I hadn't really thought much about it, I just kind of wanted to tell our story, to show everyone what kind of person he was."

"and you did a great job of that, really. I mean the book is amazing, I laughed and cried through most of it, and the ending, it's beautiful Kate."

A smile spread across her face, and a blush made its way upon her cheeks. "I'm flattered I really am, I just didn't think that you would love it so much."

"I'm serious about getting the ball rolling. We need to start contract negotiations immediately and get this thing off to print. We don't want to waste time, plus it will make it easier for you to do a book tour before you get too pregnant."

Kate sat up a little straighter, and pulled her napkin into her lap. "A book tour? Gina I don't know about all that."

"Well you're going to have to promote the book, that's part of it. And like I said, the press is going to eat you up so we need to make sure you're prepared for the questions they will be asking and the interest they will be showing in you and in this baby."

"I mean do you think this is a good idea, to subject myself to the criticism I might receive."

"It wont be easy, but you're a strong woman, and as long as you go in to this knowing what will be thrown at you, it shouldn't be a problem."

The waitress appeared again out of nowhere, delivering the soup and her water, before heading over to another table to take their order.

"Are you doing okay? Health wise is the baby doing good?"

"Yeah, my doctors were a little concerned initially just because I hadn't been taking care of myself properly. I mean my fiancé had just passed away and I was suffering through a bout of depression I guess you could say, but everything is fine now. I'm healthy, the baby is healthy and things are great."

"I mean you said you're just over two months along, which means you had just gotten pregnant before he died."

"Yeah, i..uhhh, we had talked about it, and decided to stop using birth control and bam…. Here I am, two months later, basically widowed and pregnant. It's not ideal of course; I mean I want him here. But he isn't here, and this baby is all I have left of him."

She noticed that Ginas eyes had gotten heavy and she could see the tears forming as she tried to blink them away. "Gina, don't cry."

"I can't help it. I mean I just feel so bad for you. I know that you're happy about this baby, but it's not how it should have happened. I know Rick loved you so much and he was so excited about your wedding about starting a family with you. I just can't help but imagine how excited he would be." She said, wiping away the tears as they ran down her cheeks.

Kate let out a low laugh, a smile plastering itself on her face, one she couldn't wipe off if she tried. "He would be so excited, so proud of himself for getting me pregnant so fast. I know that he loved me Gina, and I know that he wanted a family with me. Of course I am heartbroken that this is my circumstance, but I am so blessed to have this opportunity. I am ready for whatever this book brings me, and I know it will be a whirlwind journey, but it excited me. I know that he would want me to do something for myself, something that will make me happier, and this is it. I want to do this, and I am ready to start negotiations immediately."

"Well then, I'll set up a meeting. You need to contact Rick's lawyer and have him accompany you to the meeting. Of course we are going to give you exactly what you want, this book is going to be more successful than any of Ricks previous books. I just want to reiterate that once this news gets out Kate, you're going to be a public figure on your own, so be careful who you surround yourself with. Keep your loved ones close and everyone else at arms length."

"I got it."

Xx

Over the next few weeks they finalized her book deal and sent the book off to print. Everything was happening so fast, and Kate was thankful for that, it was keeping her busy. Keeping her mind off of things that she didn't have time to worry about. She was trying her hardest to stay home, hiding her new bump from the public eye. It wasn't really visible unless she wore tight clothing, which she never did, but she still wanted to keep it to herself until her family knew. She had been able to hide it from Martha and her father. It had been hard not to tell them but she was doing it to protect them in case something did happen.

When she went to her three-month appointment and got the all clear that she and the baby were both healthy, she decided that it was time to tell everyone. She invited everyone over for dinner, telling them that it was to make up for her lack of interaction with them, but as they all sat around the table, picking at the boxes of Chinese food splayed across, Lanie couldn't help but call her out.

"So what's the real reason we're here Kate?" She asked, taking a bite of her food and focusing her stare on her best friend.

Kate finished chewing and looked back at her, "Umm, what makes you think I have ulterior motives?"

The whole table broke out in laughter and Kate looked around at each of them.

"Lets be serious Katie, we all know how unlike you this is. You have been distant for months, and all of a sudden you want to bombard yourself with all of our company?" Her dad asked.

So they had found her out, maybe she should have thought this through better, but honestly this would be easier. Getting it all out of the way at once, they would be less mad at her for hiding it for so long if they were all together right? Or was that something that she just made up to try and protect herself from their reactions.

Her silence brought her dad to a point where he decided he would just pick, and throw some possible issues out at her. "Kate, if you need help…. financially, you know I can help you."

Martha and Alexis both looked at each other and then laughed, "Oh Jim dear, she is taken care of. Money is no issue for her now, Richard left her a huge chunk of change."

"Oh I guess she didn't tell me that, but when would she have? I haven't properly spoken to her about anything since the accident."

Kate pushed her chair back and stood up, "Can we not talk about the accident? Did you all ever think that's the reason I distance myself. So I don't have to rehash the fact that he's dead every time I see you all. I get it, he's gone, and he isn't coming back, now can we stop talking about it." She snapped at them, grabbing her plate and taking it to the kitchen.

Her dad stood up and followed behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and running them down her arms to calm her as he stood behind her, "I'm sorry Katie, I didn't mean to…" he sighed, "I just feel like you're avoiding it, like you aren't dealing with his death properly."

She spun around to face him, a tear escaping as she did so, but she swept it away before it made it far, "I deal with it every single day. It's not something I don't think about, but it's something I don't want to talk about with you all. I want my family and friends to be my safe place. I go to therapy to talk about him."

His eyebrows arched at her admission. He had no clue that she had been seeing a therapist, and he was proud of her for doing so. He had imagined her holed up in Ricks bedroom, alone, crying all the time. I mean she ignored all his calls and text and often times he had to reach out to Alexis just to make sure she was okay.

He cleared his throat and smiled at her, "I had no idea you were in therapy."

"Oh," she rolled her eyes, "Once you hear what I'm about to tell you all, you're going to believe it's more than necessary."

"Is something wrong Kate?"

"Not wrong, just complicated, things are more complicated, but… I want to tell everyone together."

She walked back out to the table, where everyone was eating quietly and she took a seat.

"So I did invite you here to tell you something, but I don't really know how to sugarcoat it, or I don't even know…." She shook her head back and forth.

"Kate, I can help." Alexis offered up, taking Kates hand in her own and giving her a reassuring squeeze.

She looked up at the younger girl and gave her a smile back. "No, Lex, it needs to come from me, but thank you."

She looked around the table, eyes all focused on her, and she decided to just come out with it, just let it out.

"I…ummmm…. I'm pregnant." She confessed.

"I knew it!" Lanie yelled out.

"You knew?" Kate asked, her eyes shooting around the table trying to read everyone elses faces.

"I told Javi after our pizza night. I just had this weird feeling about you."

"It's true, she did. She almost asked about it but I told her you would tell us when you were ready."

"I just wanted to make it out of my first trimester first. Everyone has already dealt with so much loss lately I didn't want to tell you and then if something had happened we would have to deal with that too."

"So it's Ricks?" her dad asked.

"Of course it's Ricks, who elses would it have been?"

"I don't know, you could be seeing someone else."

"No dad, I'm not seeing someone else, and thats not something I'll be worried about ever. I don't want anyone else. Rick and I started trying right before the wedding, well I should say that we discussed it and I got off my birth control. He was nervous about us conceiving and he though we should start immediately, but I don't think he assumed it would happen so quickly."

"Are you okay? I mean….. you want this baby right?" Martha asked.

She took a deep breath and settled her hands in her lap, "I'm nervous, about doing it without him, of course. But I mean this baby was a gift from him and I'm really excited about it."

"Well we are all happy for you Katherine. I know Rick would have been ecstatic."

A smile spread across her face at the thought of Rick.

"I also have another little bit of news. I wrote a book, about us, Rick and I. It's actually going to print and will probably be coming out sooner rather than later. Gina is rushing it so that I can do the book tour and everything before I'm too pregnant."

"How far along are you?" her father asked

"Today was my three month appointment. I'm out of the first trimester and the doctors say everything looks great."

He took as sigh of relief, "Well I'm happy for you, and I'm glad that this explains a little bit of your distance. I was really starting to worry."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." She apologized.

'Look as long as you and the baby are healthy, we are happy. And if this book thing is what is going to help you, then we are all for it, right guys?" Her dad asked the table and they all started to nod and offer their support.

It hadn't been as hard as she thought. Telling them was freeing, and overall she felt a lot less stress now that it was off her chest. Now all she had to focus on was staying healthy and preparing herself for the release of this book.

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	6. Chapter 6

While I Wait

Chapter Six.

"You look amazing Kate." Dr. Burke complimented her as she walked into his office.

Her growing stomach was getting harder and harder to hide now that she was almost 5 months along. She tried to wear flowy tops and jackets to hide her bump when she was in public, but since she had such a small frame before, everyone was starting to take notice. She was surprised that news of her pregnancy hadn't been picked up by any gossip magazines, and for that she was thankful. She wanted to put off the attention for as long as possible, but the release of the book was this week and she knew that as soon as she started making pubic appearances that she shouldn't even attempt to hide it. Instead she was going to face it head on, she figured once the book was released everyone would know anyways so she might as well put it on full display.

She took a seat on the end of the couch, kicking her shoes off and tucking her feet up behind her. "Thanks Burke, the baby is growing so fast I can barely fit into anything I own anymore."

"Well, maybe it's time for a shopping trip." He teased, "Don't women love shopping."

She laughed at his generalization, yeah most women loved to shop, but not women who have been trying to hide out.

"You know, I should probably do some shopping for the baby, but I'm kind of afraid to walk anywhere near a baby store right now. I never know who is watching, and the book comes out so soon, I kind of want it to be a shocker."

"The fact that you're pregnant." He questioned, raising a brow at her.

"Yeah, I mean it's kind of exciting. I am almost five months now, which is crazy. Time has flown by, and I've decided that I don't want to find out the sex of the baby. Everyone is hounding me about it, but I think that since everything else about my life is about to be made public, I should leave one thing for myself, right?"

"I mean, I wouldn't have the willpower to not find out." He laughed.

"I just know that Rick would have fought me about finding out. He didn't have any patience, so I know he would have wanted to know immediately. Me on the other hand, I like the surprise element. I think it adds just a little more excitement to everything."

"As if having a baby isn't already exciting enough."

"It is exciting, and my pregnancy has been so easy this far. I hope that the next four months are as easy as the first 5 were."

"How are you doing with dealing with Rick's death?" he never failed to ask, which she appreciated, but there were times where she just felt like she was dwelling at this point. She didn't want to dwell, she wanted to free herself from the sadness that still consumed her most nights.

"I'm doing better, everyday it gets better. I still cry myself to sleep most nights, but I mean… it's still fresh." She shrugged, turning her head towards the window so that she didn't have to show him how emotional she still got over the subject.

"Kate, I'm so proud of you. You are dealing with this amazingly and your book is about to come out. How do you feel about that, and about having to do a press tour for the release."

"Actually, that's something I am really excited about."

"Excited?"

"Well, it will get me away from the loft for a little while and I worked really hard on this book and I'm excited to finally see and hear what people think about it."

"I guess that would be a little thrilling."

"It is. You know, Rick was suppose to be on his book tour all last month for his latest book, that's why we couldn't get married in September."

"I saw that they still released the book, and that it got great reviews."

"Yeah, it's done really well. I'm proud."

"Are you nervous about people comparing the two of you?"

"Not really, I mean, this isn't a competition. I wrote this for him, not for me."

"And I'm sure everyone will love it Kate. Look, I'm happy to see you're doing so great, and I know that you're about to be really busy and probably wont be able to see me for a little bit, but know that my phone and email are always available. Also, as soon as you get back from the press tour I expect to see you back here."

"You really think I need to come back?" She questioned. She knew that she was nowhere near over his death and over the shock of her pregnancy, but she had been dealing just fine. They were only seeing each other twice a month now, which worked for her.

"Ehh," he shrugged, "I don't want you to be here if it's not something you feel you need anymore, but my professional opinion is that we at least continue to see each other monthly."

"I think monthly is a great idea for now. I mean I don't know what I'll feel like when I have the baby. Honestly sometimes it scares me to think about going back to that dark place, and I'm going to do everything in my power to stay out of that place. I just have a feeling that I'll miss him even more once the baby gets here."

"That might be true, but it also might get easier Kate. It's all to be determined. Just know that you have to take it day by day and don't stress yourself out. You have plenty of help, just accept it when they offer."

"Burke, I'm not the same Kate Beckett that I use to be. I'm not closed off, I'm not unaccepting of the love and support of those around me. He changed that in me, he gave me everything that I needed and it changed me."

"Good, well if everything else is going good, then our time is up. Have a great time on the press tour and if you need me for anything, just call."

She stood from the couch and slid her boots back on, "I will, thanks again for everything Burke."

Xx

She spent that evening getting ready for what was sure to be a whirlwind press tour. It started in LA, where she would do a series of interviews before coming back to New York for more interviews. She had been in constant contact with Gina, who over the past few months had become somewhat of a friend to Kate. Gina had gone above and beyond to make sure that Kate was getting exactly what she wanted and needed. Kate felt bad for all of the things that she had ever said about Gina when she was mad at her for hounding Rick about deadlines, but she was a very determined woman and Kate understood that.

She had officially resigned from her job with the NYPD, but occasionally Kevin and Javi would come by and ask for her to look at a case for them, just for an outside opinion, which she enjoyed. She liked that they still wanted her to be there, but she knew that it wouldn't be he same without Rick. Hell, she wasn't the same person anymore. She had found her mothers killer, and he was behind bars, that didn't drive her anymore. Instead Rick drove her, everything she did was because she wanted to make him proud. The book was her love letter to him, and this baby was her main focus. She couldn't wait to be a mother; she couldn't wait to give her child the most amazing life ever.

Xx

Alexis, Kate, and Gina flew in to Los Angeles the following day for the west coast press tour. They settled into their hotel, Alexis and Kate sharing a bed in the master sweet. They had become as close as mother and daughter over the past 5 months, but treated each other more like best friends. They were each other's support system and each of them were grateful for the other.

Kate was sitting at the end of the bed, rubbing lotion over her swollen stomach when Alexis came into the room with the room service trey.

"I'm not hungry Lex, but thank you."

Alexis smiled, "you sure about that?" she asked as she pulled the lid off the plate. "I ordered cheesecake."

Kate immediately stood up and went towards the cart, "Lex, you are seriously the best ever. I looked at the menu and didn't see cheesecake, I was so disappointed."

"Well I had them go get it for you."

"You are heaven sent." Kate replied, pulling the girl into a hug and then grabbing a fork and the plate of cheesecake, "Come lay in bed and eat it with me."

"I don't want any, that is all for my little brother or sister." She laughed, "Speaking of, are you still set on not finding out the sex? I mean I really want to go shopping which is impossible if I don't know the sex."

"We will shop after the baby is born Lex, and it will be just as much fun." She said as she plopped down on the bed and crawled under the covers, placing her cheesecake on top of her stomach."

"Yeah, yeah, I am just impatient."

"Like your father."

"Oh he was much worse. So what is the schedule like for tomorrow?"

"Well in the morning is Good Day LA, and that's all I know, oh and a signing in the evening but I'm not sure what else is planned. I'm just going with the flow."

She started towards the bathroom before turning back to look at Kate inhale the cheesecake. "Don't overeat, I don't want to hear you complain all night about heartburn."

Her mouth was full of cheesecake so she couldn't respond, she just nodded, continued to chew.

Xx

An early call time the next morning had Kate and Alexis up before the sun came up. They were dressed and on their way to do her interview for Good Day LA. She hit hair and make up first, while being briefed about the questions that she would be asked. She approved basically anything they wanted to ask, feeling that it would be best to let everyone in as much as possible so that they would want to buy the book.

She settled into the chair on stage as the morning host came and introduced herself. She pulled her dress down over her knees and situated it over her stomach before they came back from commercial.

The host smiled and patted her leg, "Thank you for the interview, don't worry, you'll be great."

Kate returned the smile and nodded.

"Welcome back to Good Day LA, this morning we have a special guest with us, Miss Kate Beckett. You all might know her as the inspiration for the Richard Castle series Nikki Heat, but today she is here to promote her own book. One she wrote after she lost her fiancé Richard Castle on their wedding day. Kate how are you doing this morning."

She smiled, and situated herself to be more comfortable, "I'm doing great actually, thank you for asking."

"So I'm sure that instead of avoiding the obvious we should address that you are most certainly very pregnant."

Kate laughed and ran her hand over her stomach, "I wouldn't say 'very' pregnant, but yeah there is definitely a baby in there."

"Did you know you were pregnant before the accident?" she asked, a little sympathy leaking from her tone as she did so.

"No, I actually didn't find out for a while after the accident. As you can imagine it was a very hard time emotionally for me so the signs that were there, I avoided, because I thought they were stressed related. I happened to go to the doctor for just a health check up and that's how I found out."

"And I'm sure that must have been incredibly shocking."

Kate took a deep breath, making sure to choose the right words to use. "You know, at first it was surreal, it felt like a dream. The person I loved more than anyone in this world had just been ripped away from me on our wedding day. I still hadn't been able to deal with that properly, and then to find out that I was carrying his child…" She paused. "It was a blessing for sure, something that we had talked about wanting together, and then here I am about to do this without him. It's scary, terrifying at times to know that I don't have him here to help. He was an amazing father to his daughter, and I just wish he was here to give the same to our child."

"I can only imagine, but I must say, you are very brave. I know that you have avoided the spot light for a while now, because of your job and just to keep your relationship private which seemed to work out well for the two of you."

"You know, Rick was the public figure, not me, so it was easy for me to stay out of it. He did his best to shield his family and loved ones from it. The reason I have decided to thrust myself into it now was basically for him. This book, it's our love story, as told by me."

"Oh I got that from it. I read it yesterday, couldn't put it down. I cried, and laughed, and cried some more. I was a huge fan of the Nikki Heat series so getting to know you through this book was amazing. And it was a beautiful love story. The dedication, Wow.. now lets talk about that."

"Yeah, well his last dedication to me, was beautiful. He had just proposed not long before the book came out and when I saw the dedication I cried like a baby in my DC apartment, alone, because I had taken this job that had taken me away from him. So I called him and just repetitively told him how much I loved him while I cried about missing him. He was the sweetest man, seriously. So when I wrote mine to him I just wanted him to know that even though the music has ended, the dance will never stop."

"Clearly there is no room for a sequel of any kind, but do you plan on continuing to write?"

As she asked the question Kate noticed Gina walk up behind the camera crew, tears streaming down her face and Alexis behind her with the same look on her face. They were both smiling and anxious, and Kate stared at them for a moment before answering.

"I, honestly, I…. don't have any immediate plans to. I will be focused on the baby and just settling into my life as a single mom. I cant say that I wont ever want to write again, because it has been incredibly therapeutic for me, but now that I am no longer working for the NYPD I don't quite know what the next step will be."

"Well, we wish you all the luck with the baby. Thank you so much for coming on today."

Kate smiled, "No thank you."

As soon as the cameras cut, Gina ran on stage to whisper into her ear.

"What are you talking about Gina?" Kate asked, confusion starting to cloud her brain.

"They found Rick."

"Rick is dead, what are you talking about?"

"No, he isn't dead. They don't know what's going on, but they found him in upstate New York, he was hitch hiking. They haven't given us much, but we have to cancel the rest of your appearances, we have to go back to New York."

**How are you liking it this far? I told you Rick would be coming back. How do you think things are going to go from here?**


	7. Chapter 7

While I Wait

Chapter Seven.

They shoved Kate into the back of the SUV that was taking them back to their hotel to get their things. She felt helpless, he was all the way across the country and she couldn't be there for him when he needed her most. Her mind was filled with horrific tales of what could have happened, what he must have been through over the past five months. Was he being held captive, had he finally been able to escape.

She turned towards Gina who looked just as anxious as she was. "Have they talked to him?" The car remained quiet, and Gina just shrugged her shoulders. "Do we know anything?" She questioned, her frustration growing at the lack of knowledge.

Gina cleared her throat, taking a deep calming breath before wrapping her hands around Kate's "Kate, look, all they said is that he was picked up after waving a car down. He hasn't talked to anyone other than the guy who picked him up. Rick had them call the NYPD to get ahold of you and when they told him you no longer worked there he freaked out and wouldn't talk to anyone."

Kate grabbed her purse from the ground and pulled her phone out, she didn't have any missed calls. He knew her number by heart, they had been partners for too long for him to not have remembered her number. Why wouldn't he just call her, let her know that he was safe and on his way back to her.

The flight home was miserable and long, and she couldn't relax, airplanes were already uncomfortable because she was pregnant, but now she was pregnant and anxious. She felt nauseous the whole time, maybe it was that she hadn't eaten lunch and the baby was clearly begging for food but she couldn't eat, her appetite was gone. All she wanted was to hug him, to run her fingers through his hair and wrap her arms around his neck and never let go. She couldn't wait to see him, to kiss him, to tell him that he was going to be a father again.

When she arrived at the precinct and the elevator doors opened she immediately started searching the room for him. She spotted Esposito first and took off towards him, a smile spreading across her face as she wrapped her arms around his neck, "Where is he Espo?" She asked. When she took a step back to look at him she could tell something was wrong.

"Listen Kate, I don't know what's going on, because he wont talk, but something is off, something is wrong." He tried to explain without freaking her out too much.

She crossed her arms over her chest, almost in a protective way, "What do you mean… off?"

"He doesn't want to talk to anyone except you. He refused medical attention until he saw you as well, so the doctors haven't even had a chance to examine him to see what's going on."

"Okay, well, where is he, let me see him."

"He is in interview one….." he said, and she took off immediately, "But Kate." He yelled and she whipped back around to face him. "Don't push him, and if something seems off don't take it personal."

"Espo, I'm not stupid. I wouldn't push, I love him."

He nodded, "I know, that's why I'm telling you to be careful."

She turned back and walked as fast as she could towards the interview room where so many times before she had spoken to families of victims.

She shoved the door open and he looked towards her, "Kate, thank God!"

She couldn't get to him fast enough as she threw her arms around his neck and began to kiss his cheeks, he immediately stiffened and sat her back down on the ground.

"Whoa, that's new…" he laughed, and she shook her head in confusion.

"New?"

"Since when are you so affectionate towards me?" he asked as he ran his hand down her arm.

"Babe, I'm always…"

"Babe? What? Did something happen that I'm not aware of?" he laughed again.

"Rick, I always call you babe."

His eyes started to search the room, "Are you all playing some kind of joke on me?" he asked, looking up and down her body, studying her, "And are you pregnant?"

"Yeah, actually, five months, we must have conceived the night before the wedding." She laughed, reaching up to run her hand over his chest.

He removed her hand from his chest, confusion starting to sweep over him. "Why do you keep touching me like that? And you're married? I'm so confused, I've only been in the Hamptons a few weeks."

"The Hamptons? It's your baby Rick, we're engaged." She stuck her left hand up to flash her engagement ring in front of him. "You don't remember… You don't remember us being together?" She started to breathe heavily, panic flushing over her body as she looked towards the open door where Esposito was now standing. "Tell him Javi, tell him we are engaged, tell him we were suppose to be getting married." She pleaded.

Javier nodded towards Castle, unable to let the words out in fear that he might confuse him more, "Look I think we should get him to a doctor."

"Okay, yeah." She agreed, something was wrong, but she didn't want him to panic so she reached for Castles hand, intertwining their fingers, "We are gonna go to the hospital okay, just to get you checked out, maybe get some answers."

He blinked a few times trying to sort his thoughts. Everything was a little foggy when he woke up, but this… this was getting more and more confusing by the minute. He began to walk with Kate as she ushered him out of the precinct and into Esposito's waiting cruiser. She let him sit in the front seat and she took the back seat, urging him to buckle up before Esposito even had the chance to start the car.

She knew he was confused about what was going on and part of her was scared to death that he didn't remember their relationship, but she was also just completely thankful that he was even there. She had a million questions that she wanted to ask him, but she knew he didn't have the answers to any of them. So she sat silently in the backseat, watching him as he stared out the window. He had to be scared, nervous. You don't just wake up in an unfamiliar place and think everything is going to be okay. Something bigger had to be going on but without his memory they would never figure it out.

When they made it to the hospital Kate got out first, trying to help him out of the car but he refused. "Kate you're pregnant, you shouldn't be worried about me." He was frustrated and that was apparent but she didn't know how to give him space right now.

"Babe.." She took a deep breath realizing that that too would confuse him. "Rick, I know you don't remember us, and that's okay, but I do remember us, so if I want to help you, or protect you, that's what I'm gonna do, because that is the only thing I have control over right now."

He exhaled a breath he had been holding in the whole time she was talking. He was trying not to be rude or pushy but all he wanted to do was find the answers he needed. "I know, and I'm sorry and even though I don't remember us in a relationship, you still mean a lot to me and I'm gonna try to be understanding Kate but you're gonna have to let me figure it out on my own, okay?"

"Okay. Fine." She took his hand leading him towards hospital entrance.

The doctors immediately carted him off to check him out, asking Kate to stay in the waiting room and be patient because it might take a few hours. She decided that she should probably clue Alexis and Martha in so she called and told them to go ahead and come up.

It felt like an eternity but when she saw the two red headed women enter the room relief spread threw her body. She stood to embrace Alexis, accepting the full force hug the girl gave her.

"Is he okay Kate, it's been hours, what's going on?"

She pulled Alexis to sit next to her, Martha taking a seat on the opposite side of her. "Look, you all. I don't want to speak about what I don't know yet, but he doesn't remember our relationship. He knows me, but the last thing he remembers was being in the Hamptons. I'm not sure at what point though, but it was before we started dating."

"So he said he was in the Hamptons and then what?"

"I honestly am not even sure Lex. He seemed confused about everything, which confused me. Maybe the doctors will have more information after they examine him."

Alexis sat back in her chair, slumping down in frustration, "So we just wait?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders, "I guess so."

They sat there in silence for another 30 minutes or so before the nurse finally came to get them, escorting them back to the doctors office instead of to Rick. They took a seat and the doctor made his way in right after them.

"Good afternoon Miss. Beckett is it? And who are these two lovely women?" he asked, taking a seat in his chair across the desk from them.

"This is his daughter Alexis, and his mother Martha Rogers." Kate introduced the women.

"So we have good and bad news, more bad, but not horrible. Mr. Castle has something we call posthypnotic amnesia, which basically means that he has a lot of his memory just not a portion of it. It can be caused by a few things but most likely he had to do with head trauma, we did a brain scan and there is a lot of swelling but not enough to cause huge concerns. We cant be absolutely sure of the cause seeing how he doesn't remember much at all, but we have hope that as the swelling goes down his memory might return."

"So it could be temporary." Martha asked.

"Yeah, I mean it's been what? Five months you said?"

"Since the crash that we thought he died in… yes." Kate rolled her eyes, mad at herself for not making sure it was his body inside the car.

"I mean with proper care things could go a lot better. No telling where he has been or what he has been up to. I mean you say that he was in a crash and they thought it was his body in the car, right?"

"Yes, but that is for the detectives to work on. I am more concerned with his health now."

"Yes, of course. I see no reason why he cant go home, it might be best to be surrounded by his things and the people he loves. Of course we encourage you not to push his memory or place memories in his head, because then we wont know if he remembers because he was told or because he remembered on his own."

"Right, of course. That makes sense. So we just take him home and lead our normal lives?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I mean to an extent. You are going to have to ease him in though, don't push him to do things he isn't comfortable with. In other words, just let him lead the way."

"Sure, of course. So since he doesn't remember our relationship should I avoid it, until he remembers?"

"Look.." he positioned his body towards Kate. "I know you're pregnant and it's going to be hard to deal with him not understanding, but just let him come to you. He remembers you as a person, let that be enough."

"Okay, I mean whatever you think is going to help him."

Xx

The loft was almost too quiet when they got back. Rick wandered around, taking in the differences in décor since Kate had moved in.

"Why is my Lion picture in the office now?" he asked, as he came back into the kitchen were Kate was cooking.

"Well, we had a disagreement about him about a year ago. I hated waking up to him and going to bed with him staring at me, so you moved him to the office."

"Gosh, I must have really loved you." He laughed as he slid up on a bar stool across from her.

"I'd like to think you loved me as much as I love you." she smiled, continuing to chop at the carrots for the salad she was making.

"I don't want to be rude or anything Kate, but I just don't remember…us."

"I know you don't, but that's okay. The doctor seems to think that in time your memories will come back to you."

"And what if they don't?" he asked.

She sat the knife down on the counter and placed both of her hands on her hips. "Look, this isn't the worse we've been through okay, and we loved each other more than anything in the world before this happened. There isn't a doubt in my mind that we were meant to be together. So if we have to rebuild that love, then we will do that. I don't plan on going anywhere if you cant tell." She ran her hand across her stomach and winked at him.

"Is it a boy or girl?"

"I don't know yet, I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Oh come on, really Kate."

She laughed at his whininess, she knew he was impatient, but she hadn't expected it already.

"It will be fun to wait."

"For who?"

"For the both of us."

A knock came from the door and Kate left the kitchen to answer it, pulling it open Gina immediately hugged her, "Is he okay Kate, I've been worries sick about you and the baby and him."

As she stepped back from the hug Gina immediately noticed Rick walking towards her. He was love struck and in awe. The look that was usually reserved for Kate was being given to his ex wife, to one of Kate's closest friends.

**Sorry this chapter sucked, I seriously could not get it together as hard as I tried. Hope you are still enjoying the story. How do you think this little love triangle is going to play out?**


	8. Chapter 8

While I Wait

Chapter 8

"Rick, oh my god," Gina flew towards him, hugging him tight. "I never thought I'd get to hug you again, but this is a miracle. What the hell is going on, where were you?" She asked, releasing her hold on him and stepping back to stand next to Kate.

"Uhhh.. I… I don't really remember anything." He stuttered through his thoughts, unsure of what his current relationship with Gina was like. They clearly weren't together anymore, and hadn't been for a while. "I don't want to make this awkward but I'm just confused by everything."

"What do you mean, what's going on?" She looked to Kate, who had her eyes closed trying to gather her thoughts and feelings. It stung a little bit to know that Rick's last memories were with Gina, but she also knew that Rick and Gina had been over for years now.

"Gina, he.. doesn't remember any of it. He doesn't even remember being with me." She tried to explain.

Gina laughed almost as if were absurd that he not remember being with Kate, "Rick you've loved her since the day you met her, how do you not remember that. Even when we were together I knew that, I just wasn't ready to accept it."

"I mean…" he started to blush as if he were embarrassed of his feelings. "I remember having a huge crush on her that I thought would never really pan out."

"Oh stop it, you don't have to be embarrassed, you married the girl and it clearly panned out." Gina laughed again, reaching over to touch Kates growing bump.

"How are you two friends? This is just weird." He asked, looking between the women who started to laugh. The thought of them being friends was a little odd, the women hardly got along before Ricks supposed death so it was new for everyone. Things were different now. Gina had been a huge part in helping Kate make it through her days. She had allowed her to write a book, and publish it, which had kept her focus on other things rather than just missing him.

"Here, you two go sit at the bar while I finish cooking." She took off for the kitchen the two of them following close behind.

"We actually never really got along until Kate came to me about the book she had written. Once I read it I couldn't help but want to be around her and help her in any way I could. It was clear while reading the book that you two were completely in love, and then when I found out she was pregnant.." She paused, taking a deep breath. "I just felt like someone needed to be there for her, she needed someone to have her back and I am really pushy so I shoved my way in. I needed to know that she was okay, that your baby would be okay."

"Wow, Gina, thank you.. I don't know how we ended or why but I know that when we were married that would have never been something I could see you doing." Rick took her hand and gave it a soft squeeze.

"Gee, thanks Rick." She laughed, "I know you don't remember what happened, but what do you remember about your life." She asked.

"Us… I remember you and I being in the Hamptons."

"Rick that was years ago. You don't remember our breakup?"

He shook his head from side to side.

"Wow, this is awkward." Kate butted in. Knowing it wasn't personal but she was right, it was a bit awkward.

"Yeah, well… we didn't work out for a lot of reasons and the most important one was that you wanted another woman, this woman." She said, looking up to Kate.

"See I remember her being important to me, but at the same time my feelings are so torn right now. Maybe it's just that I'm being thrust into this situation where we were suppose to have gotten married and we are having a baby, it's just really a lot to walk in to with no memory of us even being together." He tried to explain, not knowing how much his words were affecting Kate.

She wiped the tear off her cheek that had broken down from her eye as she turned to walk out of the kitchen and towards their bedroom slowly, making an excuse about needing to grab something.

"Kate…" he let out a low growl of frustration, realizing that he needed to watch what he said and how he said it. She continued to walk towards the bedroom, needing a little space to cry in private. It wasn't his fault, she knew that, but she also knew that Rick had always had feelings for her so why was it so hard for him to just accept that this is his life now. Shouldn't he be excited that all the work was done, her walls down, her arms open to him.

She closed the door behind her and took a seat on the edge of the bed. It was only a minute before she heard a knock on the door.

"Kate, can I come in?" he asked, and when she didn't respond… "please.. don't be upset with me."

"I'm not Rick." She took a deep breath, wiping the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

He opened the door and walked towards where she sat on the bed.

"Rick, I just don't know how to deal with this either. The person I'm in love with doesn't remember being in love with me. Doesn't remember creating the life we share or this life inside of me."

"I will… remember….hopefully… eventually." And then he was reaching his hand over and pulling hers out of her lap.

She looked up at him, trying her hardest to be strong. "What do we do until then?"

"Can we start from the beginning, maybe re-date." He laughed, "I always wanted to take you on a date ya know." He laughed.

"It didn't happen like that." She smiled in return; her heart fluttering a little in her chest at the excitement she saw spreading across his face.

"How did it happen?" he asked.

"Us getting together?"

He nodded, begging for their story, or at least a piece of it.

"I showed up here one night after I almost died, after you basically told me you loved me and couldn't watch me walk into a death trap. I went anyways, full force into something I knew would swallow me whole. Except I realized when I was about to die that all I wanted was you, to be with you. So I came here and you were mad, I didn't think you were going to let me in so I just came at you and I kissed you and I told you that I was sorry and that I wanted you and then ya know…" she giggled, bowing her head to hide her embarrassment, too shy to carry on.

"Ya know?" he asked, "What does that mean?"

"We made love… ya know" she shrugged, trying her hardest not to laugh as she looked away, catching a glimpse of framed picture of the two of them on the bedside table. She picked it up and shoved it towards him and he smiled. It was the two of them on the beach together in the Hamptons.

"How was it? Where we good?" he asked?

"Are you kidding me? That is one thing we are great at together. The first time was beautiful…I mean perfect….a little rough, but we were both angry and it was just about as passionate as it gets. I mean, real passion. The second time was slow, and soft and just the two of us learning each other's bodies. The third was more fun and playful, and then we fell asleep and I learned that you snore a little.."

"Do not."

"Oh yes, yes you do babe."

"So we have good sex, that's good to know. Not that I ever doubted myself." He shrugged, his chest popping out.

"Confident much?" She laughed, leaning into his body, laying her head on his shoulder.

He wrapped his arm around her body, his hand resting on the side of her bump.

"Rick… I don't want to push you, I don't want you to feel pressured to be with me or to love me. I know that it's going to take some time, that it wont be easy."

"Kate…"

"No, listen to me.." she interrupted. Sitting back up and turning her body to face his. "I will do anything to make sure that we work through this together, and I know that there is nothing in this world that could tear us apart now. We have been through so much worse, so many life and death situations, and secrets, and we made it through those things. If there is one thing I know about you and I, it's that we were made for one another. We are going to figure all of this out, together."

He nodded, not really sure of how to respond.

"Okay, well, I just have a few request of you.."

"Okay?" he asked cautiously.

"I just want you to be honest with me Rick, to be open, even if you think it might hurt my feelings or upset me. The biggest trials in our relationship have come from dishonesty or hiding things from one another. So, we're honest and open now. Got it?"

"Kate, I.. I don't want to make promises that I don't know if I can keep."

"You can keep it, and you will. You're honest with me Rick, and I'm honest with you."

"Okay, okay. I'll try."

A knock came from the door frame and both of their eyes shot up to see Gina standing there.

"Don't mean to interrupt, but I really need to talk to you Kate, actually the two of you." She pointed back and forth between the pair.

"About what?" Kate stood from the bed, pulling her shirt down over her growing stomach.

"The book, the tour, the press, how everything is going to be handled."

"Already, can't we buy some time."

"Actually, yes we can, but I don't know how you're going to feel about all of this?" She said, waving the both of them towards her.

They made their way back into the living room, Kate taking a seat on the couch and Gina in the chair next to it. Rick made his way in a moment later taking a seat next to Kate.

"So, no one is aware that Rick is alive really, and I was thinking maybe we keep it that way. For the book, for the tour, but also to give him time. Peace and quiet, and then later we will figure out a way to reintroduce him to the media and the world. Once he has his life back."

"So you want me to hide out for… how long?" he asked, a little annoyed.

"Not if you don't want to Rick, it's just a suggestion. To give the two of you some peace and privacy until things get better."

"I'm not opposed if he isn't. I mean it's his life, but I think that staying away from the media right now would be best." She turned to look at him, running her hand down his thigh.

He watched her hand as it made its way to his knee and stopped. "You think it would be best?" he asked her.

"If you want space to figure things out on your own, then yes."

"Well then if she thinks its best for me…"

"Rick. Do it because you want to, not because of me."

"Kate, you've clearly been through a lot. I mean you're pregnant and you had to deal with my death, I think you should be making the decisions now. I think you should have a little bit of control over what happens from this point on."

"See, you do love her." Gina laughed, butting in and then going quiet all of a sudden.

"Gina, stop." Kate laughed.

"I do care about her, and clearly I was about to marry her, I got her pregnant, we had to have been happy together. I want what's best for her, for us, and I think she knows what that might be more than I do right now."

"Okay, then it's settled. I'll email you later with your New York interviews and meet and greets. I will say we had to miss out on the LA stops because of medical reasons. I mean you are pregnant so…" she shrugged, standing to grab her coat that was hanging on the back of the couch.

Kate stood along with Gina and wrapped her arms around her neck, "Thank you so much for everything Gina."

"No problem."

Xx

After Gina left, they sat around the table and talked for a while and ate. Kate tried her best to tell him stories of some of their cases, trying not to push any of "their" story on him until he was ready.

"When did we fall in love, I mean I know you said you came here one night and then we were just together but did we know before…"

"We both knew, we were both hiding from it, running from it for different reasons. After I was shot.."

"You were shot?" he interrupted, sitting up a little straighter in his chair. Almost as if he wanted to protect her now, like there was something he could do.

She laughed, "yeah that's an even bigger story. I mean we knew, I knew that you loved me.. you told me when I got shot, and I lied about hearing you, because I was scared of what it might mean. Scared that I loved you too, and that I would hurt you because I wasn't ready for it."

"Wow, so…"

"I did hurt you. When you found out you lashed out a little, started dating around again, back to the old playboy ways briefly. It killed me to watch it happen, because I was almost there, almost ready to be with you. I just shouldn't have lied. I should have told you, but I didn't. In the end it didn't matter because when I came to you and told you, it was like none of it mattered anymore. We were together, we could admit we wanted to be with one another, and then our real love story could begin.. and it did, and we were like teenagers. It was amazing."

"Lots of sex?"

"So much sex, and so many stolen kisses. It was very passionate… for the first 9-10 months, and then we found ourselves in a little rut."

"Oh, no."

"Yeah, I guess I wanted more from you, or at least the hope of something more and you were just content, or content with not discussing it."

"So what happened.."

"I worked a case with someone who shall not be named, and he kissed me, and your jealousy was through the roof.. but you stepped it up." She sighed, bowing her head again as if she was hiding something else.

"Until…."

She stabbed around at her food, still chewing a small portion. "I got a job offer… in DC, and didn't tell you about it."

"and I can only assume I was livid, because I can feel my blood boiling now."

She laughed again, reaching her hand over the table to join his.

"You were very upset with me, and then out of nowhere you ask me to meet you at the swings and I just knew we were over, that you were going to break up with me, and my heart was broken before I even made it to those swings but I went anyways because I owed it to you. I was prepared to fight for you, to make you give me another chance.."

"Did I break up with you?"

She shook her head, "No, you proposed."

"I what….?"

"…and I said yes, and I also said yes to the job, and then I went to DC, and then there was very very little sex for a few months. There were some naughty facetime calls, and a few dirty pictures sent."

"Wow, Detective Beckett, do you still have my phone? I'd love to see those."

"I, uhhh, doubt you kept them on your phone. Maybe in a hidden folder somewhere on your computer."

"God I hope so…"

"Rick, you know we were getting married, you can see it anytime you want, although its not as sexy now with a baby stuffed in my belly."

"Are you kidding me? You're still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and that's my baby in there which makes the sexy level go up so much more." He reached down sliding his palm against her stomach.

"I don't want to have sex yet though, I mean I want us to wait a little bit, so that it's meaningful for the both of us."

"Okay," he smiled, stabbing another bite of his cold food.

She nodded, "Okay…."

**So sorry for the lack of updates, I promise it was just temporary though. I had an immediate family member pass away and I haven't really felt up to writing to be honest with you. Too much on my mind, and a lot of family time. Hope you enjoy the chapter and the updates will be more frequent now. Thank you for your patience. Reviews are always appreciated. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

While I Wait

Chapter 9

She walked into the kitchen to find him sitting at the bar, newspaper stretched across the counter top, the smell of coffee in the air.

"God, you must hate me…" She said as she rounded the bar, startling him initially but receiving a smile after he caught her eyes.

"Hate you?" He replied, unsure of what she meant.

"The coffee, I know that's one thing you remember about me.. I love coffee."

"And… you can't have any, because of the baby."

"Right." She smiled, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water, taking a sip and setting it on the counter. Her eyes glued to him, watching as he scrolled through the pages.

"Did you sleep good?" she asked, trying to make conversation.

"I slept okay for a few hours, woke up around 5 and couldn't go back to sleep so I went through my office and computer."

"What does it feel like? I mean… is it hard for things to be so different then they were before?"

She shifted in his seat a little, "I wouldn't categorize it as hard, more odd. I feel okay, I feel normal, and for the most part my surroundings haven't changed much. Except for the fact that I got the girl." He smiled. "Last thing I remember, Demming had swooped in and ruined everything. I remember being frustrated about it, but I also knew that if I couldn't have you romantically, at least I had you as a friend."

She nodded, taking another sip of her water, "and you were okay with that?"

"No, I'm not okay with it, or I wasn't, I was wounded, but I know that life goes on, and I know … or knew that you didn't really have feelings for him."

"Oh, you knew that did you?" She laughed.

"Yeah, I know you fairly well. The look in your eyes when he was around didn't touch the look you gave me. You were pushing me away, and I was fine with that because the harder you pushed, the more hope I had that one day you'd give up, give in to your feelings. If you had stopped pushing so hard, I would have been concerned, because that would have meant you didn't feel anything."

"You always knew?"

"I knew that you had a crush on me, and that you did everything in your power to avoid it, yes."

"This is so weird." She shook her head, turning to open the fridge again and pulled out the eggs and bacon. "Want breakfast?"

"Sure." He answered, "and what's weird."

"Talking to you about your perception of me back then. It's something we never really revisited."

"Really?" he seemed shocked that they had never talked about it.

"When we started seeing each other we kind of decided to let the past go and start new. So there were things that would get brought up here and there, but not ever about that."

"When I got back from the Hamptons did I come back to the precinct? Because I remember talking to Gina about how I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back."

"You came back, but not willingly," She laughed. "Ryan, Espo and I found you at a crime scene actually, and it all started up again." 

"I'm sure once I saw you again I couldn't walk away."

"I was so mad at you, mad that you hadn't called…"

"I was mad at you for dating Demming."

"He was a good guy."

"I'm sure he was."

"Tom, is a great guy Rick… We even invited him to the wedding. He was happy for us when he found out we were together. He actually came by one day a little bit after I found out I was pregnant. He just wanted to check on me, brought food.." she could visibly see him turning green as she paused and widened her eyes at him.. "Wow, still jealous much? Let me rephrase, he and his wife came by to check on me."

"He.. He's married?" he stuttered out, a little embarrassed.

"Yes he is married, and Rick… you don't have anyone to be worried about. I just want to reiterate how much I love you and our life together. No one has ever made me as happy as you have, and no one could compete with what you have given me… freedom from my past, and a wonderful future to look forward to." She said as she ran her hand across her stomach. "You are the only man in the world for me, and we are going to have to work to get back to how things were but we have the rest of our lives to do that."

"I am still confused by how this happened, I mean… I couldn't even get you to be nice to me for a whole day. Now when I look at you I see a completely different woman, one that is in love and happy and…"

"Rick, you did that to me, for me. You made me into the happiest woman in the world. You and I had our ups and down like I said, but our love is one for the books. That's why I know that things will work out."

He nodded.

"Okay, I have a book signing this afternoon, which should only be a few hours and then I'll be home. Do you want time alone or you could invite the boys over or Alexis to keep you company."

"I'd actually love some time alone with Alexis, just to catch up on her life."

Kate smiled, "I'm sure she would love that."

Xx

Kate's cell rang from the dresser and she ran out of the bathroom to grab it.

"Gina, I'll be right down."

"We are already running late, Kate."

"I said i'll be right now. I'm walking out the door now." She said as she hung up the phone and walked to her closet to pull out a pair of heels.

"Whoa, no way you are wearing those while you carry my child." Rick said as he walked into the room to see her sitting on the side of the bed sliding them on her feet.

"I'll be fine, I'm not chasing down a suspect, it's a book signing."

"I know I cant boss you around, but Kate.. it's not safe."

Her eyes shot up to him and she could see the real concern in his eyes so she slid them off her feet and tossed them to the side, walking back into the closet and settling on a pair of plain black flats.

"Much better." He said as she walked out.

"I'm only doing this because I don't want to argue right now, and I have to go."

"Whatever, as long as you keep my son safe."

"or daughter." She smiled at him as she walked towards the door. "Oh and Rick… remember the rules, no leaving the apartment, and if you order food have them drop it off downstairs and they'll bring it up."

"I know, I know.." he smiled as he followed her to the front door."

"I'll be back by 7 or 8, depending on how fast this goes, I'll have my phone the whole time and Alexis should be here shortly."

"Kate, stop worrying, I know how to take care of myself."

She opened the door and turned one last time to face him, "I know you do, I have to talk for my own sanity. I don't want to leave you right now, and I don't like pretending that you're still gone, so.. take it easy on me, I'm just trying to help."

"I know you are, and I'm very thankful for everything you have done and continue to do." He leaned in placing a kiss on her cheek and she froze, closing her eyes. Her senses were all heightened by his closeness to her and she reached her arm out and pulled him in tight for a hug. When they separated she smiled and looked down at her feet.

"Sorry, I just missed you and having you close is a comfort."

"Hey," He reached up and pulled her chin up so that her eyes were on him again, "When you get home we are going to spend some time alone and watch a movie or do whatever you want. Just you and me, and then afterwards I'll run you a bath and you can relax.."

"Rick, you're the one that has been through so much, don't worry about me."

"Kate, you lost your fiancé on your wedding day, and then found out you were pregnant, and look I'm back, and I don't remember us being together. I just want you to feel some sense of normalcy, and it's not like its going to pain me to spend a little alone time with you." he chuckled, raising an eyebrow towards her.

"Okay, okay, but I have to go. See you later." She smiled and started down the hallway.

He closed the door behind her and immediately went to his office to sit at his desk. He hadn't told Kate but he found her book saved on his laptop last night and had been reading it. It was nice, to read her version of their love story, and helpful. He could tell how in love they were simply by the way she wrote about him. So he sat down and opened the document to continue reading. He didn't have much time before Alexis would be there so he wanted to get as much in as he could. Not knowing when he would be alone again for long enough to read more.

He heard the door open and Alexis call out for him. He checked the page he was on before closing out of the document. Alexis walked into the office and leaned against the bookcase.

"I should have known you'd be writing. Some things never change."

That drew a laugh from him and seeing him happy put a smile on her face as well.

"How are you doin Lex?"

"I'm good." She said as she crossed the room, taking a seat on the edge of his desk. "The real question is how are you doing?"

"Fine. I mean things are still a bit confusing but I'm working through them.. We are working through them."

"So you and Kate are getting along well?"

He nodded, "Yeah we are…. is there a reason we wouldn't be?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "No, I just know that it cant be easy for her to have you back, but not really have you back. I mean I know she is happy you're safe, but I know she misses the way things were."

"Were they that good between us? I mean not that I doubt what she has told me but I just can't imagine having a perfect relationship."

"It was pretty perfect. I mean yeah, you had your disagreements and there was arguing occasionally, but you two love each other… and you were disgustingly affectionate at times." The girl laughed, her eyes squinting as her smile turned up across her face.

"That bad?"

"After all she put you through before you were together I never thought I'd be able to accept her and love her as much as I do. She is the best thing that has ever happened to you. She makes you happy, and that makes me so happy."

"Don't be silly…" he grabbed her hand pulling her off the desk and towards him until she flopped down into his lap. "You, my dear daughter, are the best thing that has ever happened to me… and don't you ever forget it."

She flung her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly, "I'm so happy you are home safe and I know you don't remember what happened, and maybe that's for the best. I just want you to focus on living a normal life again, don't worry about the memories dad, they will come back. Or… if they don't, we will be here to create new ones with you."

"Promise?" She tilted his head towards her.

"I might be out of the house and living on my own but I am just around the corner. You'll always have me."

"Good girl." He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist to hug her.

"So are you cooking for me or are we ordering take out?"

"Kate said take out was our best option."

"Yeah she isn't very good at keeping the fridge stocked."

"I can only imagine." He rolled his eyes and shoved her from his lap.

She hopped to her feet and took off for the kitchen, "I'll order Chinese."

"Sounds good pumpkin."

She turned around as she hit the doorway and smiled, "You don't know how much I've missed that. Love you dad."

"Love you too."

**YOU ALL, I AM HAVING THE WORST CASE OF WRITERS BLOCK. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I AM GOING TO TRY MY HARDEST TO WRITE THROUGH IT AND JUST KEEP GOING. HOPE YOU ALL ARE STILL THERE, AND IM GONNA TRY TO START POSTING MORE FREQUENTLY AGAIN, IN HOPES OF GETTING BACK INTO MY GROOVE.**


	10. Chapter 10

While I Wait

Chapter 10

It had been a month since they had found Rick and while he still hadn't regained any of his memories of he and Kate, they had begun to rebuild their friendship little by little. They still weren't too affectionate with one another, occasionally sitting close on the couch while watching a movie, or giving a hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek as she came and went. He had begun to feel a bit caged in, not being able to leave their home. He knew it was to keep the press away so that they could have some privacy while he got back into his life.

She had done her last appearance for the book tour the night before, coming in well after midnight to Rick asleep on the couch in his office. She decided not to wake him, figuring he would wake up on his own and make his way to their bed.

It had been weird, sleeping in the same bed, so close to one another, but at the same time it didn't feel anything like a romantic relationship. They spoke to each other like they were friends, good friends, the banter was still there, but Kate still felt like he was being distant, even more distant then the Rick she knew back then.

She knew that it would take time, but she didn't realize just how much time and work it would take for them to get back to their life. Sure it had only been two weeks, but it felt like two months. Having him within arms reach, but not being able to reach out when she wanted him, when she needed him.

She stepped out of the shower as he walked through the bathroom door, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around her body.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to just walk in on you." he seemed embarrassed, almost ashamed.

"It's fine, nothing I haven't already let you see, Rick." She laughed, pulling another towel off the counter to dry her hair out.

"I know, I just… " he paused, looking back up and meeting her eyes.

"Stop tiptoeing around me Rick, I won't bite."

"I know."

"Look, this isn't awkward.. I don't want it to be, so here…" she let her towel drop from her body. It hit the floor and he immediately looked towards the ceiling.

"Kate, don't do that to me."

She giggled, walking towards him and grabbing his arms, placing them on her hips. "Look at me.."

He made immediate contact with her eyes, doing his best to avoid her naked body under his hands.

"Look at my body. I promise it's not going to make me feel uncomfortable. I use to fuck you for Gods sake."

He slowly let his eyes drift down her body, her protruding belly keeping him from seeing her lower half, her breast were perky and full. The pregnancy had done wonders for them.

"Kate, you're beautiful."

"Thank you, now stop being a weirdo. I'm tired of you acting like I'm not yours. I'm starting to feel like we are roommates, and not that I don't enjoy your company, but I'm pregnant, and I would like it if the man that got me that this way didn't look at me like I was a foreign object."

"Kate…"

She started to walk past him, out of the bathroom.. "I'm serious Rick. I'm being patient, but I feel like we are in high school at times. You're afraid to touch me, and it scares me. I mean sex isn't the most important thing in our relationship, but I feel like we should be working towards some physical intimacy. I mean I am your fiancé, well I was…"

"No, you still are Kate, I just don't want to pressure you."

"PRESSURE ME?"

"Yeah, I want you to feel comfortable."

She turned around, standing in all her naked glory, propping her hands on her hips. "Do I look uncomfortable? You're the most important person in my life, you already broke through those walls a long time ago. They are gone now, so whenever you wanna make a move, please, feel free to do so…" she laughed, "hint, hint."

He just nodded, not knowing exactly what he should say.

She rolled her eyes and made her way to the dresser, pulling clothes out.

"Okay, so you're frustrated with me.."

"I'm not frustrated with you necessarily. I'm just 6 months pregnant, and I haven't been touched in a while, and it's starting to get to me." The confession was blunt, but it was the truth. She didn't feel sexy anymore, but she wanted his attention, even if it was just a kiss every once in a while. Or maybe she just missed the way he use to pull her in close in the middle of the night and wrap his body around hers.

"So you need sex… is that what you're asking for?"

"No, not at all. I don't need sex, I would like to have sex, but I don't need it." She bowed her head and started to laugh as she pulled her underwear up her legs slowly, her bump making it hard to do anything anymore. "Just forget everything that just happened, I completely embarrassed myself, and I'm stupid."

"Oh come on, you're not stupid…" he walked towards her, she was struggling to clasp her bra, so he grabbed her shoulders and spun her around, knocking her hands out of the way to help her. When the bra was clasped he placed his hands on her shoulders and ran them down her arms, leaning in and placing a kiss on her shoulder. She laughed at his effort.

"You really are the sweetest man I know." She shook her head. "and I'm sorry, I don't want to pressure you."

"You aren't pressuring me Kate, I care about your happiness, and if you're sexually frustrated then I'll do whatever you want."

"No, it's not that. I just miss you." She took a deep breath and swiped her hand over her cheek to clear away a tear that had fallen.

"Please don't cry, don't be upset."

"It's not fair." Now the waterworks were starting, she had tried to keep her emotions controlled, but being six months pregnant was already overwhelming, and now she had to deal with so much more. "I miss you so much."

He pulled her body into his, wrapping his arms tight around her, "I'm here, I'm right here."

"Physically, which is amazing, I'm so happy you're here, but I miss my fiancé, the man who loved me so much, who could barely keep his hands off me."

"I'm trying." He whispered into her hair before placing a kiss on her forehead.

"I know, and I'm just being hormonal."

"How about this. I'm going to make us dinner tonight, and we are going to have a little date."

"Just me and you."

"Just me and you… I'll ask mother and Lex to give us a night alone. I know they've been hovering over the both of us, and maybe we need more alone time so that we are forced to spend time alone together. I mean our home always has someone in it, and I think it's time that they go home and let us be alone for a while."

"Yeah, alone would be nice." She pressed her face into his neck and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent.

"Don't do that to me Kate. I'm really trying to be a gentleman."

"So… I'm gonna have to make all the moved to get you to be intimate with me aren't i?"

"You're the one that requested no sex."

"But that doesn't mean we cant make out a little," she teased. "play with each other, tease each other. It will make things more comfortable and then… it will lead us there."

"Okay, how about this.. I promise we will work on it, if you promise to let me lead."

"Okay, I'll let you lead, now get in the shower.. Burke will be here in an hour for your session."

XX

Burke had been quite accommodating to Castles needs. Making house calls because he knew that Rick couldn't quite leave the loft yet. They had their sessions in Ricks office and Kate usually used that time to run errands, allowing them privacy.

"So how have things been between you and Kate?"

"Getting better. I know she is frustrated, she wants more intimacy and I just feel awkward touching her."

"How intimate have you all been?"

"Well, we haven't really been intimate at all. I mean, we sleep in the same bed. Today she dropped her towel in front of me, and forced me to look at her. I think she's starting to take it personal when it really isn't personal at all."

"That's to be expected. She is 6 months pregnant Rick, and the father of her child doesn't remember ever being intimate with her."

"I know, and it makes me feel like an ass."

"Do you care about her?"

"Of course I do, I love her, I've always loved her, but it's all just really hard to wrap my head around."

"Stop overthinking it. Look, Kate isn't going to reject your advances, because she is already comfortable with being intimate with you. You're going to have to take things slow but it doesn't mean you can't touch her or kiss her whenever you want. In fact, I want that to be a goal for this week, when you feel the urge to touch her or kiss her, just do it. Don't think about it."

"I'll do my best, but if she shoves me away…"

"Oh she wont, believe me."

"Has she said something?" Rick knew Burke couldn't answer that, but he could tell by the look in his eyes that she had in fact mentioned it. "Okay, so she has. So I need to just shake it off and do it."

"That would be my recommendation. I think it could really change things for you all, make things easier."

"Okay, I'll do it. I'll pick the perfect time and I'll kiss her."

"Rick, don't schedule it. Just do it when it feels natural."

"Well we are having a little miniature date tonight, I'm making dinner for us. So the opportunity might present itself if I make it romantic enough."

"Just remember to be yourself, don't try and be what you think she wants. She already loves you."

"Which is so weird."

Burke laughed, "Not for me, I've been seeing her for years, and she has always loved you, it was apparent to me before it was apparent to her."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. So jump in, swim around, test out the waters."

"I think I will."

XX

**Next up is the dinner, and we will see if Rick is brave enough to kiss her. **

**Reviews are always lovely, and if I get 20 I'll post tomorrow.**


	11. Chapter 11

While I Wait

Chapter 10

When he heard her twisting her key in the lock, his eyes shot up and he watched as she opened the door.

"Rick, you have to see…." She paused, taking in the dim lighting and dinner table set for two. He was sitting at the table, dressed in a button down and dress pants.

"Hi.." he smiled, standing from his seat to make his way towards her.

"You just said dinner, you didn't say I needed to be dressed for the occasion." 

"Well, I decided to make it special, you look beautiful already, I just wanted to dress up for you?" He said as he approached her, helping her slide her jacket off. Hanging it in the closet as she watched him closely.

"What are you up to?" she asked suspiciously.

"Why do I have to be up to something?" he smirked. "Cant I just do something nice for my very pregnant fiancé?"

"Rick.. about this morning…."

Interrupting before she could finish "It was great, very eye opening." he laughed, and she shoved at his shoulder. "No but seriously, Burke and I had a good talk today and I just wanted to make this special. I cant even begin to imagine how hard this has to be for you, and the more I think about it.. if the roles were reversed, if you didn't remember me, I would be heartbroken, and I know how hard it had to have been for you to get to this place with me, where we were getting married… So I think I owe it to you to put my best foot forward and actually try to get us back to where we were, or at least close. I mean we don't have long before the baby will be here and I want us to be in a good, strong place when he or she does get here."

"You're going to be a great dad Rick, you already are a great dad. Don't feel pressured to force things with me because of the baby. Regardless of where we stand we will always be parents together."

"Kate, stop.. I don't just want to co-parent with you. I want this. I want you, I've always wanted you, and to be completely honest, if you weren't pregnant it would have been very easy for me to just jump in this with you. I have been overly cautious because of the baby, I didn't want to fail you. I didn't know if I could be what you need or want, but after talking to Burke today I realized that I already am enough. If I wasn't, then you wouldn't be here, right?"

"You're everything I want, babe." She stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around his abdomen and hugging tight. His arms quickly followed suit and he hugged her back.

"So, this dinner, is officially our first date. I would have picked somewhere fancier but I'm not really allowed out."

"Just for now." She laughed, stepping away. "I'm seriously starved though so feed me."

"Ahhh, of course you are." He laughed, taking hold of her hand and leading her to the table.

She couldn't believe how sweet he was being, not only had he set up a romantic dinner, but for the first time since he had been home she actually felt like he wasn't scared of her. He pulled her seat out for her and she sat down quickly, reaching for one of the dinner rolls that were sitting in a basket in the middle of the table.

He sat across from her and lifted the top off her plate. He had made her favorite Italian dish, Chicken Parmesan.

"This looks amazing Rick."

'Why thank you, I thought it was going to get cold waiting on you. Where have you been?"

"Oh that's what I was gonna say when I was walking in, let me just grab my purse." She started to get up, but he beat her to it.

"Just stay… I'll grab it."

She simply nodded, a little suspicious of how he was acting.

"I want you to relax… I think you deserve to be waited on a little bit. You've been doing everything on your own, and you know if I had been here in the beginning, I would have been the most overbearing fiancé of all time.."

She coughed, "husband, you would have been my husband if you had been here since the beginning."

He locked eyes with her, a sense of guilt overcoming him. He knew she meant nothing by it, but she was right, if he had been there since the beginning they would have been married when she found out. He handed her the purse and took his seat.

She pulled out a sonogram picture and slid it across the table. It was a 3-D picture of their baby.

"Wow, technology has really come a long way since Alexis. When is this from?"

"Today, I went to this special place today to get it done, isn't it amazing."

He smiled up at her but she could tell that something was wrong.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She reached across the table, laying her palm over his where his left hand was resting on the table.

"I just wish I could have been there, or that you would have made them come here to do it. I just feel like, as far as our baby goes… I'm on the outside."

"On the outside? Rick, I'm sorry…. I honestly just wanted to surprise you."

He smiled back at her again, "Its fine, I know its not your fault Kate, and this is amazing, our baby is amazing, but this face… is definitely the face of our little girl."

"Really? You think?" She grabbed it back looking closely at it.

"Look at that nose, it's your nose, and her little lips."

"What makes you think it's a girl."

"She looks just like you, I mean if it is a boy, he's going to be a very pretty boy."

Both of them laughed as she placed it back on the table.

"Well, I don't really care what the sex is to be honest with you." she picked up her fork, cutting in to her chicken, "As long as he or she is healthy, I'll be happy."

"I know that I have missed so much of this pregnancy already but I really am just thankful that I'll be there for the birth… you will let me be there for the birth right?" he questioned, taking a bite of his food and chewing.

"You act like I'm keeping you locked up, Rick whenever you want to make it public that you have been found, we can do that. I just thought…"

"That I would need time, right, I know, and I understand, but I want to be able to go to your doctors appointments, and I want to be able to take you on a real date."

"Well we will talk to Gina then, and we will figure out a plan of action, my book tour is done, all the press is done, so now we will have time to sit down and figure this all out. I never meant for you to feel like a prisoner, I just wanted you to have time to figure everything out." She was beginning to feel overwhelmed, that maybe he blamed her for being cooped up in the house. She quickly put her fork down and excused herself from the table, trying not to cry in front of him.

But as soon as she made it into their bedroom, he was right behind her.

"Kate, I'm not mad at you, and I don't want you to feel like this is your fault, I'm sorry I said anything."

She quickly turned around to face him, the tears already welling up in her eyes, "I know this is hard for you, but it's hard for me too okay. You think I enjoy any of this? Do you know what it was like to run up on your car engulfed in flames… Do you know what it was like to think that the man that I was suppose to be marrying was gone. I had already lost my mother, and then you, and honestly if it wasn't for this baby I would have fallen completely down the rabbit hole again."

"First of all, don't yell at me like I'm the enemy here Kate, I said I was sorry, and I know how hard this has been for you, that's why I planned the dinner, I wanted to do something special for you."

He approached slowly, trying to read her out before he made any contact, and when he could tell that she wasn't going to turn away, he cupped both of her cheeks with his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumbs and then capturing her lips with his own. She quickly opened her mouth allowing him to slide his tongue in and deepen the kiss.

When they broke apart she couldn't help but smile, "You don't know how much I've missed that."

"Yeah, well you don't know how long I've been wanting to do that."

"Do it again." She whispered, stretching up on her tiptoes and wrapping her arms around his neck.

He lowered his mouth to hers again, and kissed her. This time it went on for a few minutes before they broke apart.

"I think our dinner is getting cold." He teased and she let go of him, running her hand across her abdomen.

"Yeah, and your child is begging for food, feel this." She grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach. It felt like the baby was doing somersaults in her stomach.

"Wow, that's incredible, how often does this happen."

"It's never been this intense, it usually feels more like butterflies in my stomach. I think the baby is happy that mommy is happy."

"Mommy's happy?" he asked.

"Very." She smiled and nodded; "Now lets finish this dinner that my hormones ruined."

"They didn't ruin anything, if anything they gave me the courage to kiss you, to make you feel better."

She laughed at his confession and grabbed his hand to lead him back to dinner. She couldn't believe that the Mr. Playboy himself had to gather enough courage to kiss her. It was funny how even though he couldn't remember their relationship he was still fully committed. She tried to remember what Rick was like back then, was he really ready to settle down all that time ago, had she been completely unaware of how he really felt about her, or had she been trying to ignore it? Either way, she was happy that he had gotten the courage to kiss her, maybe things would feel more comfortable with them now.

**Thank you all for the reviews, I woke up this morning to 22 reviews. I know a lot of people don't leave reviews because they don't have anything to say really, but I encourage you to get involved with the people that write these fics for you. You don't know how motivating it is when people show interest in my writing. Another 20 reviews and I will post again tomorrow!**


	12. Chapter 12

**While I Wait**

**Chapter 12**

Kate shot up in bed, reaching down to grab her stomach. She had been dreaming that she lost the baby, but she ran her hands over her abdomen, proof of the life she was growing still there, still safe. She hadn't had any bad dreams since he had been home, so she rolled over to move in closer to him and she noticed that Rick wasn't in bed, so she slid out, knowing she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep until she knew where he was. She didn't have to look far, he was sitting at his desk, focusing on his laptop but not typing.

"Late night inspiration?" She asked, and he immediately looked up to her. She could tell he was nervous as he quickly shut the laptop. "or porn?" she laughed.

"Neither, I… just, ummm."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, great." He wasn't lying. They had shared a wonderful meal, and even a few stolen kisses before bed. But as soon as she was out, he was up and back on the laptop, reading her book.

"Then why are you acting so suspicious?" she asked, moving towards the laptop and swiping it off the desk before he could get it.

She sat on the couch and opened it up, he had her manuscript pulled up. Which was nothing to be ashamed of so she didn't understand why he would find it necessary to hide it. She looked over at where he still sat behind his desk, the light from the moon shining in the window just enough that she could see his face.

"My manuscript?"

He nodded.

"So why are you nervous? It's not like you have to hide this, unless you X'd out of what you were really looking at."

He shook his head.

"And I get the silent treatment… Wow, and I thought we were making progress." She shut the laptop again and got up off the couch, moving out of the office towards the kitchen.

"I wasn't hiding anything." He said as he walked up behind her. She was standing at the fridge, looking for a snack. She was hungry but didn't know exactly what the baby was craving.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind, locking them around her stomach.

"Then why did you shut it when I walked in. I don't care if you read the book, so that doesn't make any sense."

"I mean you didn't exactly offer it up to me." He lay his chin on her shoulder, placing a kiss on her neck.

"Rick the book has been published, I'm not hiding it from you or anyone else."

"I know, and I don't know why I have been reading it behind your back. It's stupid, but I just really wanted to know about us. I thought maybe it might help with my memory, but so far it hasn't triggered anything.

She turned in his harms, wrapping her own around his neck, "You know they might never come back, and we may never find out exactly what happened. Are you going to be okay with that?"

"I'll figure it out as I go, and things have already gotten so much easier. I mean look at us, we are getting closer."

"Yeah but is this going to be enough for you?"

He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips, "You're enough for me. This baby, our life, it will be enough, I just have to settle in."

"So you aren't regretting tonight."

"Do I look like I'm regretting it?" he squeezed her tighter.

"No… " she sighed, "I just cant lose you again."

He brushed her hair back behind her ear, and ran his knuckles over her cheek before placing a kiss over where his hand had just touched. "You will never lose me again."

"I had a dream I lost the baby."

"What?" he pushed back, grabbing her arms looking over her body as if he was checking to make sure she was okay.

"I'm fine Rick, I was just a dream. When you were gone, I felt like everything had come crashing back down on me. I'm always on alert, like another tragedy is going to happen, one I cant recover from."

"Well our baby is fine, and it's going to be fine."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, because eventually something has to give. You deserve to be happy, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you are. I'm done dwelling on my lost memory. I want to make it known that I'm alive, and I want to try and resume a normal life."

"Okay, I'll call Gina tomorrow and we will figure something out. Until then, I think you should come cuddle with me, so I can go back to sleep. I'm so tired, and you know how cranky I get when I don't have enough sleep."

"I think you're taking advantage of me."

"Oh yeah, you're right..." she laughed, "Tonight was the first time you've held me in 6 months, I think I deserve all the cuddles you can provide."

"I think you're right, you do deserve all the cuddles."

"Oh Mr. Castle, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Is that a possibility?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Not a chance." She shoved him away and started laughing as she walked back to the bedroom. "Oh…" she turned around, "PB & J?"

"Of course." He nodded and she smiled.

Some things were completely different between them, but he was still the same sweet man that she had known before. Always wanting to please and make her happy. So he made her that PB&J and even cut it into triangles for her.

He found her in bed, sitting up against the headboard, tv on.

"I even brought a glass of milk for you."

"Oh you are my prince charming." She teased, taking the sandwich and glass from him. "Thank you."

"Anytime." He smiled down at her, before stripping his shirt off and climbing into bed with her.

"Want a piece?" she asked, and he gladly took one from her.

She finished her sandwich in silence and when she was done she placed the plate on her bedside table, and turned her body into his, wrapping her arm around his torso.

"So I'm your body pillow now?"

"I think it's about time I invest in one of those pregnancy pillows, but until then you'll do."

"I don't mind." He placed a kiss on the top of her head and wrapped his arm around her, rubbing small circles over her lower back.

"I love you, Rick…. And don't say it back," she interrupted before he could respond. "I just want you to know how much I love you and appreciate you."

He nodded against her head and placed another kiss, before settling down further so that he could close his eyes.

Xx

He walked into the room the next morning to wake her up, he had made breakfast for her hoping that she would wake up on her own when she smelled it.

He leaned over her body and placed a kiss on the side of his neck, "Kate wake up, I made breakfast."

"Five more minutes." She moaned.

"It will be cold in five minutes."

"Just five more minutes."

He left without pushing any further, If she needed sleep then who was he to make her get up. Growing a human being had to be very exhausting.

She woke up over an hour later and found him on the couch.

"You're breakfast is in the microwave if you still want it, if not I can make something else."

"Rick" she called as she pulled her plate out. "Where did you get all this food to cook?"

"I ran down to the corner store."

"Excuse me? You left the apartment?"

"I figured it wouldn't do any harm, I wore a hat and glasses."

"Yeah but the people at that store know who you are Rick."

"Why are you freaking out I thought we decided it was time to let everyone know that I was alive and well."

"Yeah with a public statement, not a picture of you in aisle 5 of the corner market." She placed her plate down on the counter a little too hard. So she was a little more then frustrated with him, but shouldn't he have been a little more careful.

"Kate, it's not that big of a deal.. Where are you going, you should eat."

"I need to call Gina… She is going to freak out if this gets out."

"Kate." He yelled at her as she was walking back into their room. 

"You knew better Rick, I just hope no one got a picture."

"It's not that big of a deal. Since when do you care about the press. Since when do you care about any of that at all."

"Since my fiancé disappeared and I was hounded by them for weeks."

"Don't do this…"

"Do what?"

"Make me feel guilty about something I can't control."

"Well you could control leaving the apartment and you made your choice, so now I have to make sure this doesn't come back to bite us."

"Bite us?"

"I'm sure they'll spin this around.. make it seem like i did it for publicity, for the book."

"Stop worrying about the press Kate."

She stopped in her tracks as she pulled her phone off the bedside table. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed and bowing her head.

"You're right. Since when do I care about the media, or the attention they do or don't give us."

He sat down beside her, "Lets call Gina together, tell her to release a statement."

She looked over at him and nodded and he took her phone from her, selecting Ginas contact.

"Morning Kate."

"Hi Gina, it's Rick actually."

"Oh good morning."

"I think it's time."

"time?"

"To release a statement that I'm alive."

"You sure you're ready?"

"Yeah. I'm tired of hiding out. I really need to try and move on from all of this and staying in this house all the time isn't helping."

"Okay, what do you want me to say."

"Be vague. Say I was found alive and our family would like time to deal with this."

"Okay, I'll write up a statement."

"Thank you."

"No problem. How is Kate doing?"

"I'm fine Gina."

"Oh speakerphone, I should have known. Good, and the baby."

"Baby is fine."

"Okay, sounds great. Book sales are doing great and I think maybe you should try your hand at writing some more. Maybe a book about Rick coming home."

"Ehhh."

"Too soon?" Gina laughed.

"That and a little too personal right now. Too much going on for me to even wrap my head around, much less write a book about."

"You all doing okay over there?"

"Yeah, we are fine, things are just complicated."

"Okay, well things will get better. You all have a good day."

"You too. Talk to you later."

Not a second after she hung up Rick stood and turned to her.

"Is this too much for you Kate?" he asked, true concern on his face.

"Not too much, just a lot."

"Is there something I could do to make it better?"

"Just be you, and keep kissing me goodnight."

"How about good morning?" he smiled, placing his hands on each side of her on the bed and leaning in and kissing her.

"Yeah I can handle that too?"

"What about good afternoon?" he teased, leaning in and kissing her again.

"Mmmmm." She moaned into his mouth, opening her mouth to allow him to slide his tongue in. "Even better."

He leaned in further, pressing her down on her back and she started to crawl backwards onto the bed. He climbed in next to her and pulled her into him, slowly kissing her.

"Rick, we aren't going to be able to have normal sex, I'm too pregnant."

"We don't have to have sex." He said tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing her on the cheek.

"What if I want to?"

"If you want to we can, but I want you to be sure."

"Sure? Are you crazy? I haven't got have sex with you in a very long time."

"I don't ever remember having sex with you, so it's like a dream coming true all over again."

"Ohh great. No pressure right?"

"Kate…"

"I'm not going to be as good, I cant really do anything major."

"Hey…" he pressed another kiss to her mouth, running his hand down her side. "making love to you is going to a privilege, whether its right now or 6 months from now. So stop…"

"You sure.. I'm really big."

"Oh my god Kate…"

"What? I am…"

"You are perfect, but if you don't feel comfortable then we don't have to do anything."

She nodded, "I thought I was ready, but now I'm second guessing myself. I just don't even know how we'd be able to have comfortable sex with my stomach in the way."

"Well, we can do it a few ways…"

"I forgot you have experience in this.. pregnant lovemaking." She laughed.

"We could do it doggy style, but that's not really my preference, to impersonal."

"I know." She laughed.

"I forget you've had sex with me before. Lucky." He teased. "Spooning?"

"Okay.. we could try. Can I change first, at least…"

"Here, how about I just strip your clothes off." He laughed and she sat up so he could help her pull her shirt up over her head.

"God you're so beautiful." He pulled her into a kiss and then pressed her back into the bed. Sitting up and moving in between her legs. He hooked his fingers into her underwear and slid them down her legs, reaching up to run his finger through her middle, she was already warm and wet. "That didn't take long." He teased.

"It's been a while.." She laughed.

He leaned down between her legs and ran his tongue through her lips, circling his tongue over her clit.

"Ohhh myyy…" she pulled her hand up to bite down on it.

He continued to run his tongue over her clit, causing her hips to buck up. Next thing she knows he's grabbing her leg and pulling it up over his shoulder so he can have better access.

"More." She screams, and he obliges, thrusting a finger into her and then a second.

Within seconds she reaches her climax and screams out and almost as soon as she does she hears a knock on the door.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…." She pants out.

"Who is it?" Rick shouts towards the door.

But no answer. He immediately gets up and pulls his pants on. "We'll finish later." He leans in and kisses her mouth.

"I already finished." She laughs.

"Yeah I'm aware, and whoever our guest is …. They are probably very aware as well."

Rick opens the door, not noticing anyone in his office so he makes his way to the living room, and there on the couch is a very disheveled Jim Beckett.

**Sorry I didn't post last night, I started classes today so I was really busy getting ready. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Review Review Review, and I'll post tomorrow! **


	13. Chapter 13

While I Wait

Chapter 13

"Mr. Becket.. Uhhh.. Sir."

"Enough of that, my name is Jim." He lifted his head from his hands, "and I would have been out that door if I hadn't come here because I really needed to talk to you all in person."

"Okay.. look, i'm sorry.. what you heard, we weren't…"

"Rick, I'm an adult, and she might be my little girl, but she to is an adult, so whatever was or wasn't happening behind closed doors is really none of my business."

Kate chose this time to make her entrance, and when she saw the look on her dads face a blush formed on her own, "Dad.."

"Hi Katie, I… sorry for dropping by unannounced, but I couldn't chance a phone call. I need you two to sit down."

What could have been a very embarrassing moment was now just a very confusing one, not only had Jim just heard them in a very compromising position but he also seemed to be totally ignoring it. Which was actually a lot easier for everyone then confronting it.

The two of them made their way to the sitting area, Kate taking a seat next to her dad while Rick chose the chair.

"I got a visit from your father Rick."

"My.. who? That's impossible, I don't know my father."

"Yes you do." Kate informed him, "but that's a story for another day."

Rick was becoming more and more confused by the second, but that seemed to be an every day occurrence since he couldn't remember the last few years of his life.

"Anyways, he knocked on my door this morning, he said he couldn't chance coming to the loft, he said that they were watching."

"Who's watching?" Kates concern was growing by the minute. She knew that what had happened to Rick wasn't just random, but she figured that if something was going to happen it already would have.

"He didn't tell me, he just said that he wanted the two of you to leave the city, that you needed to get out immediately before they tried something stupid. He said that he was the reason you got out the first time, but that he still wasn't able to get ahold of whomever it was behind this."

"We cant just leave town, I'm 6 ½ months pregnant, what does he expect us to do." She was becoming panicky, and overwhelmed with images of something happening to them or to their baby.

"I don't know Kate, he said that it was urgent, he told me that you all had to get out of here, and that I had to make sure of it."

"I'm not making her leave, if she isn't comfortable leaving then we aren't leaving."

"No… You're leaving." Jim gave him a stern look, "and so are you Katie. Your lives and the life of my unborn grandchild are far too important to take any chances. He told me that they would be making a move soon, and every second we wait is a second too long. He said, preferably out of the country, but if not then you all needed to go anywhere that you could hide out, stay away from as many people as possible, somewhere you wouldn't be recognized."

"and we just released a statement that you were alive, which makes things even more difficult."

"I can get a private jet."

"He said he preferred you to drive out of the city, so I'm loaning you all my car. He said consider it a vacation, he also said to send your mother and Alexis on vacation as well, somewhere different to protect them."

"Dad…"

"No… go start packing for the two of you. Rick and I will make a plan while you get everything ready."

"Uhhh,… okay, but where are we going, what should I pack."

"Pack warm, I know a secluded safe place we can stay in Florida, I just have to ask Patterson if we can use it." Rick picked up his phone to place a call to his friend.

"No, you can't use your phone, use mine."

"Okay." Rick grabbed Jims phone from him and started towards his office as soon as he pressed the call button.

"Kate, I'll help you pack while he's on the phone."

The two quickly made their way into the bedroom, Kate kicking her underwear under the bed as soon as they entered so her dad didn't see them laying next to the bed. She didn't want to remind him of what he had almost walked in on.

She pulled two bags out of the closet and started shoving clothes out of their dresser into them, making sure to only pack clothes that still fit over her expanding stomach. It was silent between the two until Rick came into the room.

"Okay, Patterson said he would have someone meet us there to let us in tonight. Gave me their number and said to call him when I knew what time we'd be in."

He made eye contact with Kate and could tell that she was filled with worry so he approached her near the bed, pulling her into his arms and placing a kiss on her head. "It's gonna be alright Kate, we will figure this out."

"Figure it out? Rick I'm too pregnant to be dealing with this right now. I thought this was over, I thought that you were safe."

"I don't know how to fix this because I don't know who it is that's after me."

"You guys, I'm gonna wait out in the living room. Get your stuff together and then I'll let you all take my car."

Rick smiled at Jim as he left, it was a silent thank you for giving them a minute alone. He could hear Kate breathing heavy against his chest, and he felt helpless. He didn't know how to fix this, to make it go away so that they would be safe. Hell, he didn't even know his father or how he would know who had kidnapped him the first time around.

"Kate, when did I meet my dad?"

"In Paris. Alexis had been kidnapped, and he helped bring her home."

"Is he trustworthy, do we even think this is true."

"Well, I'm not gonna wait around to see if it is, because if it is that means you'll be gone again, and I cant do this on my own." She shoved away from him. "I can't raise our baby alone, I can't go through losing you again. It broke my heart the first time, I don't know if my heart could survive a second break when it hasn't even fully healed yet."

"Okay, then we're gone. Lets pack up and take your dads car. We need to withdraw some cash from the ATM, get a burner, we should probably just leave our phones here just in case."

"What if he doesn't get to them before they get to us Rick, what if something happens to our baby, what if I don't get medical attention when I need it."

She was shoveling through her bedside table, pulling out a few things that she wanted to take with them.

"We will figure things out step by step, right now we need to get our bags packed and we need to get out of here."

He knew she was scared, but he was scared too. He didn't know his father, or what he was capable of. For all he knew his father was behind his original kidnapping. He trusted Kate enough to know that if she felt comfortable trusting what he said, then so did he.

They finished packing their bags, said their goodbyes to Jim and took his car out of the garage. They stopped by the ATM before leaving the city just in case they were watching his accounts, he didn't want a trail leading to where they were headed. They drove through the night, and when daylight hit Rick decided to stop for a stay in a motel along the side of the highway, trying to stay away from as many people as possible so that he wouldn't be recognized. They slept the majority of the day and then left that evening to continue driving. Rick figured driving at night would benefit them most because it better his chances of going unrecognized.

They arrived at Pattersons beach house the two days after they left the city. Rick had called Patterson and asked him to buy a few burners and send them to his mother and daughter, and Kates father. He didn't want to communicate with them through their cells, just in case they were all being monitored.

Kate had barely slept the night before, and when they arrived at the house she was too wired to even take a nap so she changed into her bikini and made her way down to the water. Rick had passed out immediately and when he woke up around 2 he noticed she wasn't in the house. He looked down off the deck and saw her walking in the water, pacing back and forth. He made his way down to her, she was looking out at the horizon when he approached her, gently wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight.

"You get some sleep." She asked, whipping her head around and smiling up at him.

"Yeah, you?"

"No, I have too much going on in here." She pointed up to her head.

"I'm sorry Kate, I don't know what this is all about, and I don't know where to start. Do you have any idea who could be behind this, who could want me dead?"

"Jerry Tyson."

"Jerry Tyson?"

"Yeah, he's had it out for you for a while, he's the only one that would love to see you suffer, love to see us suffer. Now that I think about it, I don't think we should be in Florida, he has ties to Florida."

"Well, then it's probably best we're here because it's where he would expect us to avoid."

"True, very true."

"Lets go inside, Patterson said that he was going to have Tom bring in groceries for us so we need to make a list."

"You go ahead babe," she leaned back and gave him a kiss. "I need some time alone."

"You sure, I really don't feel comfortable leaving you alone, and if it's me you need space from then I'll let you have the upstairs or downstairs to yourself."

She turned around in his arms and reached up on her tiptoes, her lips crashing into his.

"Wow,"

"I don't need space from you, I wont ever need space from you. I just want to clear my head. Give me twenty minutes and I'll be up."

"Okay, twenty minutes." He smiled a placed a soft kiss on her lips.

He had just sat down at the bar and started to make up a grocery list when he heard a knock on the door. He hesitated for a minute before checking to see who it was. Tom and Patterson where the only ones that knew they were there and when he looked out the peep hole he didn't recognize this person. After a minute or so the person left, and he slowly walked away from the door and back through the kitchen, making his way down to the water and grabbing Kates hand. "Come on.. someone just came to the door and I don't know who they are. I want you in the house."

"What did they look like?"

"Male, late 20's, early 30's, dark hair, short."

"Call Patterson and ask if he knows anyone that meets that description, if he doesn't then we need to leave the house."

Surprisingly I didn't receive many reviews on the last chapter, I though more people would find it funny that Jim had shown up. The story is going to be a little bit of an adventure for the next couple of chapters. Hang on tight.


	14. Chapter 14

**While I Wait**

**Chapter 14**

Rick called Patterson immediately when they got back up to the house. James reminded him not to panic, and that he was going to call Tom to see if he had any clue and then get back to him immediately.

They both sat impatiently at the kitchen table, and when the burner phone finally rang, Rick answered.

Kate tried to listen in as Rick talked to him, but she couldn't make out any of Pattersons side of the call. Rick seemed to be growing more and more anxious as the call went on but she tried not to panic. When they finally hung up all he said was to pack their bags. He told her he was filling up the tank and coming back to get her. So she did as she was asked, not questioning him about it.

When he came back to get her, he grabbed the bags, locking the door behind them and shoved them into the back seat.

"Rick where are we going to go?"

"I don't know yet, but he said that no one should have come knocking. I want to get out of here as quickly as possible."

"Don't you think they could be tracking us? Shouldn't we get rid of the car."

'Yeah you're right, but right now I don't know what our next move is so I need to brainstorm."

"How about we park somewhere with a lot of people and catch a bus, we can choose anywhere."

"That's actually not a bad idea, lets take the car to the pier and catch a cab to the bus station."

XX

Atlanta, they had picked it because it was a larger city, easier to hide out. After checking into their hotel room, they both quickly passed out. Kate woke up to a pitch black room, looking to the clock on the bedside table she noticed that it was still the middle of the night. Her stomach was growling, it had been almost 23 hours since she had eaten, so she took some cash from Ricks wallet and decided she would go down to grab something to eat.

The woman at the front desk had pointed her in the direction of a 24 hour Waffle House a block down the road, so she walked down to get a to-go order. When she got back to the room the lights were on, and Rick was sitting at the end of the bed.

"Hey, I got you something to eat."

"Kate…. Why didn't you wake me?"

"Ummm, because it's 3:30 in the morning and you were sound asleep."

He stood pointing to the bed, "Sit." And she did as she was told.

"We are currently running from God knows who? We have no clue what to look for or what to do. You cant just leave in the middle of the night, 6 months pregnant, and expect me not to freak out." He ran his fingers over his eyes, trying to calm his nerves.

"I'm sorry, I was starving."

"Kate I almost had a panic attack and when I went down to ask the front desk she said you had gone to get food. I felt like me leaving to go get you was too big of a risk, I'm trying not to be seen, and here you are roaming the streets in the middle of the night for a waffle and eggs." His anger was apparent by his shaking hands.

"I SAID IM SORRY!" She yelled, standing up and heading to the bathroom, he tried to follow, but she slammed the door behind her.

"KATE, OPEN THE DOOR." When she didn't respond…. "NOW!"

She flung the door open and her face was not just sad, she was angry. She threw her hand up, finger pointed directly at his face, "Don't you ever fucking yell at me again." And then she slammed it again.

She was right, he didn't need to yell, but he was freaked out. Anything could have happened to her, and she just acted like it was no big deal. He took a seat on the bed, waiting her out. Eventually she would have to come out, and it was only a few minutes before she did.

"I'm sorry." He offered up immediately.

"For what Rick? Treating me like a child? Yelling at me?"

"I wasn't treating you like a child."

"Oh really? 'OPEN THE DOOR… NOW!' That sounds pretty parent like. Rick you aren't the boss of me, and you have absolutely no right to yell at me.. ever. I've done nothing but support you. I have been the strong one, willing to do whatever it took, be as patient as possible so that you felt comfortable. How do you think I feel right now? Or do you even care about how I feel?" She shrugged her coat off and laid it on top of her duffle bag, shaking her shoes off as well and then sitting next to him on the bed.

"I… I'm sorry Rick, I shouldn't be yelling at you either, we're both stressed out, and I'm being unfair."

"I'm just as lost as you Kate. I just wish I could remember something…..that I had a clue as to what was going on."

"What do you remember Rick, anything?"

"I don't remember anything."

"I wish your dad would contact us, give us a clue as to what is going on."

"Okay lets forget about what we don't know, lets focus on things we do know."

"Okay, I know that you don't have enemies, so why would someone be after you."

"I don't, well then maybe this isn't because of me. Maybe… it's because of someone else, maybe they think I know something I don't. Maybe, this whole thing is because of my dad."

After a long discussion about what could be going on they decided that they would stay put in this Inn for a while. Since it was still dark out, Rick decided he would go grab a few snacks and groceries for them to limit them leaving and being seen."

When he returned to their room Kate was asleep on his side of the bed, her arms wrapped around his pillow. Her shirt bunched up so that her swollen stomach was on display. He slowly pulled the pillow from her grasp and rested his head on it. He pulled her into his body and wrapped his arms around her. Her stomach the only barrier between the two of them. He loved her like this, she was peaceful, no worries.

She woke up the next morning her body flush against his. She tried to slowly break away so she could get up to pee but he pulled her in closer, placing a kiss on her cheek. She didn't know if he was asleep, his eyes remained shut the whole time.

She heard him mumbling her name as she walked into the bathroom and she laughed at the fact that he was dreaming about her.

When she came back out he was sitting up right in the bed, his hands between his thighs.

"I think I had a flashback of some sort. We were making love, it was daylight, we were in our bed at the loft, and all I could see was a blinking red light, like we were recording ourselves, or being recorded. Did we ever make a sex tape?"

"What, no, of course not…" She sat back down in the bed, pulling the blanket back over her legs, "Maybe it was just a dream, maybe it wasn't anything."

"Beckett, it wasn't nothing. It was very vivid, we were in our bed, I could see the blinking light coming from the book shelf, it was like I knew it was there, and I was angry at you, and I was being really rough with you. Was there ever a time I was too rough with you?"

"Castle, Rick, we have had plenty of angry make up sex, we have been together for a few years, there have been a few fights between us that ended in angry sex."

"But, was I ever too rough Kate? Did I ever hurt you? You were asking me to stop, to slow down, and I didn't. I pressed my hands into your hips and held you down and continued to fuck you."

"It was one time." She admitted, sitting back up, drawing her arms around her torso to hold herself, "Jerry Tyson had tried to frame you for murder, the same case where Tyson told you that he had been watching us. The morning we got home from the bridge that you shot him off, we had sex, and you were mad at me. I think because I didn't believe you in the beginning. You could see the doubt in my eyes when we came to the loft with a search warrant. That morning you were really rough, and I asked you to slow down, and you sped up, and I knew it was just frustration over the case. When we were done, you held me, and you cried, and told me that you were sorry. It never happened again, just like you promised."

"I can't believe I hurt you, that I didn't stop when you wanted me to. How could I do that to you?"

"Rick, it's okay babe. We never talked about it again, and you were sorry, I know you were... Hey," She pulled at his arm to get his attention and when he looked over at her she could see the tears welling up in his eyes. "At least you remembered something, something about us."

"Yeah, I remember hurting you Kate. That's not exactly rainbows and butterflies."

"At least it's something. Maybe you will remember more now, maybe this is a good thing."

He drew the covers back and settled in under them, he twisted to his side so that he could place his palm over her bump, "How's the baby?"

"The baby is fine, he or she is asleep right now."

"How is mommy?"

"Mommy feels fine, she just wants daddy to be happy." She rest her hand over his and looked over at him.

"Can daddy kiss mommy?"

"Daddy can do what ever he wants." She laughed.

He leaned up and captured her lips, moving down to her jaw and then her throat. She turned on to her side and started grabbing at the bottom of his shirt, running her hand over his abdomen and pulling him in closer to her body.

"Kate, let me." He backed away and shed his shirt and pants, kicking them to the floor.

When he was down to his boxers he turned back towards her, crawling in over her and pulling her pants off as she lifted her body off the sheets to help him. He palmed her through her underwear before running his hand down under the cloth, she was ready for him, and as he gazed up at her she nodded, signaling that she wanted more. He drew her panties down her legs and then shed his own boxers. He settled in between her thighs and she lifted her pelvis into him and he slid into her, drawing a low moan before he captured her mouth.

He slowly thrust in and out, taking his time cherishing her body under his own. No piece of her skin was left untouched or un-kissed. He whispered, "I love you" over and over again until the both reached their climax together. As they came down he pulled out of her and she whimpered at the loss of warmth from her body.

"Rick, that was perfect." She kissed his collarbone as she turned her body into his to wrap herself around him.

"You are so perfect Kate, it was an amazing first time for me. Is it always that good?"

"I think so, but I've also heard that pregnant sex is really good for men. Not that it wasn't good for me, because it was, it was great, and having our baby tucked between the two of us is amazing, I feel closer to you then I ever have."

She ran circles over her chest with her fingers, making her way up to his jaw, and pulling him down for another kiss, "I love you."

"I…love you too, Kate, I really do."

**So, Rick remembered something. We will start to see a few other memories emerge in the next few chapters. Review! I'll be posting another chapter this weekend. I'm half way done with it so I'll finish that up and post. Maybe tomorrow!**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

They had been holed up in the Inn for almost three days before they had received any contact from anyone. The ringing of the burner phone woke both of them up, Kate reaching for it immediately. Grabbing it from the bedside table and looking to see if she recognized the number.

It was blocked. Who would be calling from a block number at… She looked towards the clock on the bedside table, 4 am. Who would be calling from a blocked number at 4 am.

"Who is it?" he asked, rolling over closer to her body to see if he could see the number on the phone.

"It's blocked, Rick."

"So, answer it, or do you want me to?"

"What if it's them? What if it is the person that's after you."

"How would they get our burner number?'

"There are a lot of ways. They could have my dad's burner phone, or Burkes."

"Here, give it to me, I'll answer."

"No." She jerked her hand away. "If it is them, I don't want them to hear your voice, I don't want them to know that you are with me for sure."

"Okay, so answer it Kate."

"Okay." She nodded, pressing her finger into the key and pulling it up to her ear.

"Hello." She did her best to sound alert.

It felt like the longest pause, but then the mans voice came across the line.

"The problem has been eliminated, you are clear to return home."

She knew the voice immediately, it was Hunt, or whatever his real name was, it was Ricks father.

"Okay, who was it? Who was behind all of this?"

She had barely got her questions out before she heard the phone click on the other line. She pulled the phone from her ear and threw it to the middle of the bed.

'Who was it? What did they say?" Rick was suddenly at full alert, and by the look on Kates face, rightfully so.

"It was your dad. He said we could go home, that the threat was eliminated, and then he just hung up on me."

"He hung up on you?"

"Yeah, sounds pretty typical of him." Kate rolled her eyes and threw the bedding from her body. She ran her hand over her stomach as she placed her feet on the ground.

"How do we even know that was him?"

"Oh that was definitely him Rick." She said, standing up from the bed and turning on the bedside lamp.

"How do you know?" he continued to press her for answers.

"Because I've met the man, I know his voice, I'd know it anywhere."

"So, what? We just go home now? With no answers?"

Kate had already begun throwing all of her belongings back into her duffle bag as he made his way around the bed, grabbing her hand and stilling her.

"Kate, can you take a breath and talk to me."

"I don't know Rick. I don't have the answers. He just told me that it was safe for us to return home. Its four o'clock in the morning, but I want to go ahead and leave. I'd like to be back to New York by this evening. I want my bed, and my things, and my family. Rick, it's over."

"It can't just be over." He pulled her over to the bed, urging her to sit next to him pulling her into his side and wrapping her in his arms. "I don't have the answers."

"Well, he didn't give me any answers, he hung up."

"That's not fair, I need answers."

"Look," She pulled away from him, "Rick, I know you need answers, hell, I need answers, but right now…" She stood up and pulled her bag from the ground, "I want to take a break from this, take some time for us to settle back into our life before this baby comes."

"So, that's it. We are just going to pack up, go home and pretend that this is just normal."

"It's not normal, not at all. But we can't spend any more time dwelling. The answers will come, in time, I hope. But Rick, this pregnancy is really my only priority right now, that and getting my family prepared for the changed that are coming." She ran her hand nervously across her abdomen.

"Is the baby okay, are you okay?"

He was becoming increasingly worried about her. She had been so strong over the last week, for him. He needed to be there for her more, and he knew that. He knew that she had gone through so much over the last 6 months, what she needed, what she deserved was a break.

"The baby is fine, I'm fine, but I still worry that if I don't take care of myself that something will happen. Look, I've tried to keep my stress under control, I know it's bad for the baby and the last thing I want is for my baby to be affected by my stress."

"Okay, well lets go then. I'll get everything packed up. You go take a shower and get cleaned up and I'll do the rest."

He was sweet, and she appreciated that he had caught on to her anxiousness to return home, and that he was just going to follow her lead. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up in front of her, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him.

"Lets shower together, and then we will pack, and get out of here."

He placed his hands on her hips and nodded, pushing her towards the bathroom.

Xx

They caught the earliest flight back to New York, making it back to the city by mid afternoon. Kate called her doctor to ask if she could come in since she had missed her previous appointment.

The doctor walked in to find Kate sitting on Ricks lap, looking through a magazine together.

"Hey Kate, how are you feelings."

"I feel good." She stood up and made her way to the exam table, "just wanted to check on the baby, we are planning on going to our Hamptons house for a few weeks and I just want to see the baby before we go."

"Okay, so an ultrasound?"

"If you don't mind, I just want to make sure everything is okay."

"Do you have a reason to believe things wouldn't be okay, is something going on?"

"No, just been a really stressful week and the baby has been really calm, not a whole lot of movement during the day. At night on the other hand, I can barely sleep."

"Probably just a different sleeping schedule then you." The doctor laughed, "Which might be a problem once he or she gets here."

"God, I hope not. The last thing I need is a baby that sleeps all day and stays up all night." She laughed.

"Oh you can quickly turn that schedule around. Here, lay back and pull your top up."

Kate looked over at Castle who looked a little nervous, she grabbed his hand, urging him to stand up and come closer.

When the heartbeat came over the monitor his eyes were glued to it. The emotion he felt just at the sound of his unborn childs heart was unbelievable. He squeezed his fiancés hand tighter as he looked down at her, her eyes glued to the screen and a huge smile planted on her face.

"You wanna know the sex Castle?" she asked, as she looked back at him.

"What? I thought you wanted to wait."

"I did, but the more I think about it, the easier it will be for us to decorate and I know it's killing you."

"Killing me?" he raised a brow at her, "Don't blame it on me, I know you want to know."

"Okay, so maybe I do."

"Well I already know, and I'd love to share if you guys want to know."

Kate looked back at Rick and the smile that was plastered across his face was enough to tell her that he was definitely in favor of finding out. She turned back to the doctor and nodded.

"Looks like you two will be having a baby girl Castle."

"Wow…." Castle gasped, a tear breaking down his cheek as he looked down at Kate whose eyes were shedding a lot more tears then his own. 

"We're having a girl? Really?" Kate asked and the doctor nodded.

"Time to think of some names I suppose. You two excited?"

"Oh, I couldn't be happier." Castle admitted. "You okay Kate?"

"Yeah, I…. I can't believe I'm going to be a mother to a baby girl. This is just crazy… Amazing, but crazy."

"Well I'm very happy for the two of you. After everything that's happened, I think you all deserve this happiness."

"Thank you Doctor."

"No problem, I'll see you back in three weeks. Just want to keep an eye on you guys, nothing looks alarming, but if anything happens you have my number, just remember to relax Kate."

"That's why we are going away, just to have a little time alone to rest and relax."

"Sounds perfect."

XX

When they made it back to the loft, Alexis rushed the two of them, pulling Kate into a tight hug first. Rick loved that the two of them had gotten so close while he was gone. It was nice to know that they had each other when times got hard for them. 

"Alexis, we have some news." Kate told the girl as she led her into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah? Is it about who took dad?"

"No, still nothing about that. Ummm.. Actually we went to the doctor before coming home and we learned that…" Kate looked over at Rick urging him to reveal the good news.

"You are going to have a baby sister." Rick finished.

"Wow, really? That is so exciting, I'm so happy for the two of you."

"Happy for us? She is going to be a part of your family too Lex." Kate squeezed the younger girls hand.

"Yeah, and I'm so excited about that, but really Kate, I'm so happy that you are going to get to experience motherhood. You're going to be an amazing mom to this little girl, you've been so amazing to me."

"That is so sweet Alexis, but I'm gonna need your help more then you know" She laughed.

"Oh, anything you want, you got it."

"Good. Look, I know we just got back but your father and I were thinking about going to the Hamptons for a few weeks, you have any interest in joining us?"

"Oh I wish I could, but I have so much to do. I really need to focus on school."

"Okay, well if you want to come up this weekend, you are more then welcome to. I think we would both love to spend a little time with you. Plus, our family could use some good bonding time."

"Yeah, of course. If I have time this weekend I'll bring all my school work up and spend time with you all."

"Okay, sounds perfect."

Xx

The drive to the Hamptons flew by. Rick drove and Kate slept most of the way there. He could barely stay focused on the road, he just wanted to watch her sleep. She was so peaceful when she slept. It was about the only time he got to see her at peace these days, but maybe that would all change now that they didn't seem to be in any danger. He knew even before the danger had represented itself to them that she was always worried about something else happening. He figured that is why she was so adamant about not telling anyone he was alive yet, but even that was out now. This trip to the Hamptons would hopefully provide them with some much-needed peace. No more stress about someone being after the two of them, and not having to stress about hiding from the press. They would have all the privacy they needed in the comfort of their own home. Maybe it was time to talk to her about getting married. He really wanted to get married before the baby came but he also knew that she probably didn't imagine her wedding day as one where she was very visibly pregnant.

When they arrived at the house, Castle hauled their bags in before coming to wake her up. He ran his palm across her cheek as he gently spoke to her.

"Kate, babe, we're here."

"Wow, already."

"Yep, here I'll help you out and we can go relax in the bath before bed if you want."

"Yeah, that sounds amazing babe."

He ushered her up the stairs and started the bath before helping her undress and step in. He slid in behind her and started massaging her shoulders while she ran the soap over her body.

"So, a baby girl, any name suggestions?" She asked, looking back at him as he continued to massage her back.

"I don't know, I always assumed we would name our first born after your mother if it was a girl."

"Really? That's sweet Rick, but I don't know that I want her to have my mother name, not as a first name anyway, maybe a middle name."

"Okay, so we will put it in the middle name category. What about you? Any names you like?"

"I don't know, I haven't put a lot of thought into it. Also, it's got to be perfect, I want it to flow nicely, and be strong."

"Well we will just have to think about it then, wont we. We have a few months, we have time to think of a few choices, and then when we see her, we can choose. So it fits perfect."

"Okay," She nodded, "I agree, I want it to fit her perfectly."

"Okay, so how about the nursery. What theme or colors are you thinking?"

"Well, I kind of thought a unisex room would be a good idea, so that when we have another baby we can just use the same stuff, because the next one might be a boy."

"Oh… the next one. Already thinking about making another one are we Beckett?"

"Well, I mean we aren't getting any younger Mr. Castle." She laughed, leaning her body back into his and grabbing his hands from her shoulders, placing them down on her stomach.

"Well, you're right, I am getting older, so we wont be able to wait too long if we want more."

"I think that once we have this little girl, maybe when she turns one, we can start trying again, I mean it didn't take us long to conceive her, maybe we got lucky, but I don't want to wait too long, just in case we have trouble conceiving next time."

"Okay, whatever you want babe. I mean I'd be happy to knock you up as many times as you want."

"We are very lucky aren't we. We might have had a few bumps in the road, but in all reality, we have everything we need to have a big happy family. We have a mommy and daddy who love each other, and a big, nice home, and plenty of money to send 10 kids to college."

"Whoa, ten kids? That's a lot of kids, we might have to move out here full time if we are going to house ten kids."

"We aren't having ten. I want at least two, maybe three."

"Maybe three?"

"Depending on how the first two go, and if we are lucky enough to have a third, I wont complain."

"You seem concerned about us conceiving, you already know you're fertile, and my swimmers did a good job with the directions I gave."

"Yeah, well… I'm always worried about the next thing that might go wrong. I mean sure we have each other and we love one another, but… things go wrong every day, and with our track record, something bad is bound to happen again."

"Don't talk like that… It's over, whatever it is. Its over."

"I hope so Rick, I really cant take anything else happening to you or to us."

"Well don't think it in to existence. Right now lets focus on this baby, and then we will worry about the next. I need to spend time on trying to recover my memory and getting better, stronger for us. Things will be fine, we just have to give it time."

**Hunt will be making an appearance soon, and Rick will get some answers. **

**Reviews are always nice, sorry it took so long for me to post this chapter, this story has given me a lot of trouble!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

It had been a great week in the Hamptons, Rick and Kate had spent most of their time cuddled up in their king sized bed, the fireplace keeping them warm. It had been a perfect bonding experience for the two of them. Rick had started to become comfortable with the fact that he was in a committed relationship with the woman of his dreams. Although Kate had veered away from any conversations about the wedding, Rick felt that while they were on cloud nine, and it was time he feel her out on where she stood.

They had decided on eating breakfast at their kitchen table for the first time since they had arrived. As they sat next to one another, picking off each others plates and stealing kisses. Kate was steady working on the crossword puzzle in the paper, when he spoke up.

"Hey babe, been thinking about the wedding."

Her head perked up quickly and she gave him a nervous look.

"What about the wedding?"

"Well if it was up to me, I'd take you to city hall immediately, but I understand if you don't want that yet."

She took a deep breath, turning to face him and taking his hand in hers to reassure him. "Look, Rick.." she paused.

She called him Rick, something she had been doing less and less of now that they were getting closer. This made him nervous, maybe he was right, maybe she was nowhere near ready to talk about marrying him. Hell, he was a completely different man now, maybe she felt differently.

"It's okay Kate, you don't have to explain." He interrupted before she could finish.

She turned back to the window, stealing a glance of the ocean as they sat in silence for a moment.

"Rick, I love you, and I know that you care about me, and want this… but, I just don't think we are ready to get married yet. I take that back, I don't think you are."

He glanced up at her, confused, how could she think he wasn't ready yet. He had done everything for her, gone above and beyond for her over the last month.

"Well," He pulled his hand from hers, grabbing his plate and standing up to take it to the sink. He needed to create space before she saw him angry.

"Rick, don't walk away from me." She spat out, a little more hateful then she had intended.

"I'm not walking away," he threw back. "I just need space from you right now. I don't want to say something I don't mean."

"No." She stood up and followed him into the kitchen. "If you have something to say, say it to me. We don't hide in our relationship Rick!"

"Fine.." he threw the plate into the sink, turning quickly, placing his hand on the counter to prop him up. "Who are you to tell me I'm not ready? I think you're making excuses, I don't think that I'm what you want anymore.. – and I don't want to waste anymore time playing house."

"Playing house?" She laughed, "Rick we are adults, who are having a baby together."

"Is that what this is now? Two adults having a kid together."

She laughed again, "You're kidding right? I love you, you know that."

"So what? I don't love you? Or do I not show that?"

She reached her hand out and ran it down his arm, moving closer to him so that she could look him in the eye.

"You show me everyday how much you care about me and this baby Rick, and don't think for one second that I don't appreciate everything you've done. I know you love me, but I also think you deserve the chance to really fall in love with me again. I don't want you to ever feel obligated to this, but I'm going to be exactly who I was to you before, and you're doing a great job of being the man I love. One day, we will get married, but our life together is not defined by that title, not right now anyways. Right now, I'm Kate, you're Rick, and we are Mommy and Daddy. This baby comes first to me, and I want her parents to be in the strongest most beautiful, passionate relationship. So we will work on that, and when the time comes… We will get married."

"So… we agree that we are working towards our happy ending?"

"I've already got my happy ending right here." She ran her hand up his chest, tugging the collar of his shirt towards her so that she could place a kiss on his lips.

"mmmmmm," she moaned as he pulled her in for a deeper kiss.

"I love you so much Rick, don't ever think differently." She whispered into his neck as she rest her head there, wrapping her arms around his body.

"How sweet." A voice chimed in from the doorway of the kitchen.

Kate's head flung over first and her eyes were met by an all too familiar set.

She choked back, "Jackson."

"Hello Miss Beckett."

Rick looked nervously between the two of them. 

"Rick," Kate looked back at him and grabbed his hand. "This is your father, Jackson Hunt."

"My… what?" A look of anger overtook him as he looked back to Kate. He quickly made his way away from Kate walking towards Jackson, "You son of a bitch, what has been going on? You owe me some answers.."

"Now Son, I know you don't remember how we met, or anything about me, and that's fine, but this isn't about your memory or your ego for that matter. You have no one to protect from me… that's my job after all, to protect you."

"Protect me?" Rick gritted out, "From what? Because right now you're the only person that has the answers I need."

"I can't give you any answers, nothing that will make any sense, or that will benefit you in any way."

"What does that mean?"

"I told you that you're safe now, those men that kidnapped you, they've been taken care of. As far as who they were and what their motive was, well… that's classified information."

"Classified information?" Kate jumped in, "he could have lost his life… I mean he lost his memory, and…"

"That was on purpose, they didn't want you to be able to remember anything."

"So, they what.. gave me amnesia."

"They have their ways."

"Is this some kind of conspiracy."

"Oh please, Richard. You are better than that, smarter than that."

"So that's it? I'll just never know what happened to me? I'll never get my memories back?"

"You'll probably recover some memories, but none of while you were kidnapped, maybe your life before."

"My life with Kate?"

"Yeah, some of it probably."

"Great! So I can't be what Kate wants because I'm not "me" enough, and I'll never be able to be "me" again."

"Rick, that's not true, you are exactly what I want."

"You know.." he took a deep breath, looking back at Kate. He closed his eyes and ran his hands over them to clear away what Kate thought might be a tear or two. "I need time." He ran his hands up from his face and through his hair, storming past his father and towards the stairway.

"Well, that didn't go according to plan." Jackson rolled his eyes.

"Oh, well what exactly was your plan Hunt?"

She was angry, how dare Hunt just show up in their home like that. How dare he come without answers for them. They deserved answers.

"To help him understand that things aren't ever going to be as they were, to reassure him that he was safe and so are you and your baby. The men that were after you are gone, and no one else will be coming for you. This will be my last contact with you for a while, I need to cut ties to protect him."

"Then why did you even come here, you know he isn't going to be able to deal with that. He just met his father for the first time, and then poof, you'll be gone. Like he hasn't lost enough."

"He has you Kate, and his children."

"What if we aren't enough?"

"You're more then enough, I have no doubt of that. I couldn't have asked for a better daughter in law."

"I'm not your daughter in law, you aren't our family Jackson. You waltz in and say, "here, I've fixed everything for you, see ya." You can't do that to him, you cant."

"You think this doesn't hurt me? That my son had to grow up without me? Well it isn't what I would have chosen for him, or myself, but these were the cards we were dealt. I protect him, and you… because that's what I can do. I can't show up to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, but when my son is on the verge of dying and widowing the love of his life and leaving his child without a father, I'm there…. That's all I can do."

"Well, it's not enough. It will never be enough. Thank you for bringing him back to me, but you should leave."

"That's fine, I'll leave, but Kate… he loves you, he trusts you… just take care of him, and do what's right, marry the man."

"Don't tell me what to do with my life, with our life. You have no right."

"Fine, but I know what it's like to wait for the floor to fall from under you. It won"t happen again. He isn't going away again, he is safe, you don't have to worry about waking up one day and your husband being gone."

He was right, but how could he read her so well, how did he know how she was feeling. Sure she loved Rick and marrying him was the only thing she wanted more then a happy, healthy baby. But she didn't want to face losing him again, and she was scared that as soon as they tried to get married, or did get married, that something else was going to happen.

"I love him, and he loves me and right now our focus is on our child."

"Fine, have it your way, I just wanted to reassure you that the threat has been eliminated. You are free to go about your life the way you were before."

"Our life will never be the same, and I have a feeling it is all your fault. You might not have had anything to do with his kidnapping first hand, but I have a feeling it was because of you."

"Kate, you can believe I am some horrible person but I assure you, my sons best interest are always most important to me. I know they are important to you as well, and just like you… I would do anything to protect him. I know that's why you push me away so much, why you refuse to like me or appreciate me at all. I appreciate the how much you love him, and I'm happy he has someone like you. I wish you all the happiness in the world.." he turned away but before he left the room, without turning back towards her, he paused. "and tell Richard I love him."

And then he was gone.

When Kate found Rick he was sitting in the window of Alexis' bedroom, looking out at the ocean.

She knocked on the door frame before entering and taking a seat next to him on the window seal.

"He gone?"

She nodded, threading her fingers between his and pulling his hand over into her lap.

"So that's it?"

"Yeah, I guess so Rick, and honestly I didn't expect much more then that."

"So he's a nomad?"

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that, he works for the CIA, apparently. You know, I cant really give you any answers, he isn't exactly an open book."

"Okay… well, I guess i'll just have to come to terms with that."

"I know it's not easy, and I cant even imagine what you're going through."

"It's not your fault."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I don't want to take away any hurt or confusion you're going through."

"It's not something I want you to worry about Kate. You've dealt with so much, and you have been such an amazing partner, and friend… lover." He whispered.

"Yeah?" she laughed. "an amazing lover?"

He laughed along with her, "all I ever imagined and more."

"I'm glad you're…. happy? I mean… with our sex life."

"I mean, you said we've always had a good one."

"Yeah, but things have been different… since I'm pregnant. I'm not as…"

"You're great," he reached over and put his arm around her, pulling her body into his and placing a kiss on top of her head. "The best."

"You're a goof."

"I love you, and I'm serious about marrying you… whenever you're ready to take the plunge you just tell me. Until then, I will be patiently waiting."

"Maybe once the baby is born, and we settle into our life, maybe we can revisit this conversation."

"Okay, if you need time, then time is what you'll get. Ball is in your court, I just wanted you to know that I am completely ready, when you are."

**We are going to start putting these two back together next chapter, and more baby preparations will occur. Reviews are always lovely. Thanks for the follows and support thus far. I am going to really try to update a few times this week.**


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